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'Hard work and a fluent Spanish speaker' - a personal quality, talent



jeceni33 1 / -  
Nov 24, 2011   #1
Being the youngest one in the family I felt like I had something to prove to my parents. In school I would balance my time between school work and basketball/track practice but I would always get my work done. There were numerous times when I stayed up all night trying to perfect my work or else I would sleep with the guilt on my mind that I didn't put in all my effort.

Usually as the baby in the family not everything was handed to me but I was given what was needed and I would take advantage of all my opportunities. For example as I grew older I played basketball and ran track. It was rough in the beginning because my father would play two roles. One as my coach and one as my dad so it was hard keeping a good stable relationship with him. It got easier as my skills developed and I took advantage to continue getting better because I knew being a great athlete wasn't all that I needed to succeed so I figured I can use my talent to get into a good college. As I got older athletic competition got tougher. I had to work even harder to achieve the same level of success I had reached when I was younger. Hard work spilled over into my school work and has made me a better more well rounded person .

As a child my first language wasn't English, I was a fluent Spanish speaker. This made me it hard for me to keep up with all my other classmates. I had to be separated from them while being taught a different lesson which also affected me making friends as fast as the other kids. Luckily I was a quick learner and I was speaking just as well as the rest of the kids.

My brother and sister who are both older then me and have already graduated from highschool did not go to college. This put a lot of pressure upon me , because I wanted to show my parents that they will have a child who will persevere their goals and attain a higher education.

Jennyflower81 - / 674  
Nov 24, 2011   #2
In school I would balance my time between class , work, and basketball/track practice but I would always get my schoolwork done.

Usually as the baby in the family not everything was handed to me but I was given what was needed and I would take advantage of all my opportunities. You could say: I was the baby of the family, and not everything was handed to me, although my basic needs were met, but I always took advantage of any opportunity. However, you probably want to split this into 2 sentences or shorten it somehow.

It got easier as my skills developed and I took advantage to continue getting better because I knew being a great athlete wasn't all that I needed to succeed so I figured I can use my talent to get into a good college. I love what you are saying here but try to be more clear, it sounds like you are rambling a bit.

Hard work spilled over into my school work and has made me a better more well rounded person . This is key. It is almost the most important thing you can say, so try to expand on this idea a bit. Try not to sound cliche' and be sure to lay out your short-term and long term goals.


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