From Hawaii to Boston - Boston University Supplement.

Required Short Essay: In five or six sentences, tell us how you first became interested in BU and what steps you have taken to learn more about us.

Growing up on an island (Hawaii) far away from the continental US, I want a radical change in culture. The city of Boston has that radical change in culture and atmosphere that I crave. Not only is Boston University right in the heart of Boston, it has a great study abroad program and outstanding pre-medical programs. Boston University has programs, specifically MMEDIC program, that will allow me to enroll in BU's medical school early, which is really exciting. I plan on participating in these two programs as fully as I possibly can. Through research from various websites, college counselors, and friends who attend BU, I have found that it is absolutely the perfect school for me.

Feedback, constructive critism? :)

Breanna,

Given the amount of space that they required of you, I think that you did a good job with your essay for BU. I made a few corrections and suggestions for you. I wish you all the luck in the world with your pre-med program. Question: why would you want to tackle two programs at once? The pre-med program at BU is a tough one.

Mark

Growing up on an island (Hawaii) in Hawaii, far away from the continental US, I want a am seeking a radical change in culture. The city of Boston has thatsuch a radical change in culture andas well as an atmosphere that I crave. Not only is Boston University right in the heart of Boston, it also has a great study abroad program and an outstanding pre-medical programs program. Boston University has a number of programs, specifically the MMEDIC program, that will allow me to enroll in BU's Boston University's medical school early, which is really exciting. I plan on participating in these two programs as fully as I possibly can. Through research from various websites, college counselors, and friends who attend BU, I have found that it is absolutely the perfect school for me.

I think you should cut the first half of the essay and start with this:
The MMEDIC program will enable me to enroll in BU'sBoston University's medical school early, which is...

This is the important stuff. Perhaps you should precede that sentence with a short, intriguing sentence about your professional goals.

Ah, wait a minute! I just read the prompt. Okay, I guess I think you should directly answer their question by saying you were searching for a school in Boston so that you could have a radical change, and then talk about continuing your research by learning about the med program, etc. Focus on your intellectual pursuits.