The heart beating inside me isn't the traditional Valentine's Day heart I always knew it to be.

As it turns out, the heart beating inside me isn't the traditional Valentine's Day heart I always knew it to be. For 8-year-old me, this was quite the heartbreak (pun intended). My dainty heart doodles, my fluffy heart pillow, my pink heart shirt had betrayed me. If those weren't hearts then what was?

That terrifying moment marked the beginning of my love for science and human anatomy. But nothing intrigues me more than my fellow heart. Its intricacy, its command, its strength baffles me. The heart is a system of itself, intimately intertwined with the nervous and endocrine systems. It doesn't ask for much, yet it continues to pump blood around the body with its faithful, steady beat. I often wonder how I live my life clueless to the excitement buzzing within me. I've dug through various books and journals to cure my curiosity. All provide a myriad of information about its structure and functions, but none leave me satisfied. The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know, pushing me to dig even deeper. Chances are the answers are right in front of me, but I'm asking the wrong questions. It disappoints me that my efforts have led to mere ambiguity, but they've only driven me to further study this muscle. The heart will continue to bewilder me, but it's nothing I can't handle. I will solve this enigma and learn its silent language.

Thanks for editing! (College supplemental essay: What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?)

I can help you with your essay. Since you are telling a story in the past, I will help you make some changes.

As it turns out, "The heart beating inside me wasn't..." "When I was eight years old, it was quite the heartbreak."

The second paragraph, delete the word: terrifying. The next sentence should read: "Now nothing intrigues me more than my own heart."
"The heart is a system of itself ..." There needs to be a change in the next sentence. Replace the with "this". Instead of using the word dug, you could state "searched" or "I've diligently studied various..."

Here is a suggestion for the next sentence:
I think you should change the next sentence to reflect the complexity of the heart. "After studying the heart, I realize that it is complex and this pushes me to dig deeper to understand it." -This sentence reflects that you have studied it, it is not easy to understand, and you are willing to learn more about it. If you decide to make this change, you could use this sentence to start a concluding paragraph.

I hope this helps!

Thanks for your input! If I do use "After studying the heart, I realize that it is complex and this pushes me to dig deeper to understand it." how could I incorporate:

The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know, pushing me to dig even deeper. Chances are the answers are right in front of me, but I'm asking the wrong questions. It disappoints me that my efforts have led to mere ambiguity, but they've only driven me to further study this muscle.

Or do you think I should cut it all out because its redundant?

Thanks once again, I really need the help!