Help me!! Short essay for Common app

Elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences (1000 charter max)

This is what i have now...

Walking out the locker room onto the 120 yard field, huddling in the middle of the field jumping up and down chanting " Hit-squad". Hearing the crowd join in. I look up and see every seat in the stands full of people wearing red and white. The stands on the opposite side of the field filled with people wearing blue and white. Rhodes. Our rival. Both teams feel the victory get closer and closer as the 12 minute quarters pass. The longer we play the louder the crowd roars. 2 minutes 38 seconds left in the game, score is tied up at 8 It's our ball on our 40 yd line. The only thing on our mind is getting into the 10x53 yard end zone. Nine plays, 2 minutes 37 seconds later, Only 1 more yard to go. couch tells us to run a quarterback sneak. We Line up, the quarterback goes under center and yells "Hike". He keeps the ball and runs behind us. We know that we have to block the defense back if we want to win. The referees blow their whistles i turn around and see Stanley standing inside the end zone. The game is over. We win The field is full of red jersey hugging each other and jumping up and down. These are moments i play for.

I need help on how i can improve this essay..

Thanks

*Coach, not couch
Besides a few more grammatical errors, all I think you should do is elaborate a little at the end on why football is so important to you. The application people want to know not just what you do, but what it says about you as a person. Maybe it taught you about teamwork or something? Just be more clear on why this sport is so meaningful to you.

I have never written a short essay like this before, but I think it would be better to state why this experience is important for you, as well as what things you could learn through the experience.

overall, it is a good work
Good luck
Ahmad

Thanks. Is there anything i should take out? Like anything you think is not important.

For this essay they are just looking for what you participated in and how it benfitted you as a student. It shouldn't read like a narrative, its just a short answer, just tell them about football, values it instilled in you,why its important to you etc.