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Help with USC essay ("to recognize opportunities")



suraju91 2 / -  
Nov 30, 2008   #1
Thomas Edison failed many times before successfully inventing the modern electric light bulb. He said, 'If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.' Reflect on an accomplishment you achieved in an unlikely way.

One of my most important talents has to be my ability to recognize opportunities even in the mists of adversity. However, this insight does not just come in one day; it takes sometime for it to emerge. In my case it took me most of my years at high school. Be prepared for my tail of defeating defeat.

It's 10: 20 a.m. and I'm biting my finger nails. Normally I wouldn't do this, but after seeing the massive crowd in the auditorium, it was the only thing that would settle me down. New at the school, I decided to run for Secretary of my sophomore class. Faced with the task of making new friends I couldn't think of a better way to become part of the school's community. I wrote an austere and candid speech, hoping my classmates could envision what I would bring to the table. However, that did not work! After I delivered my speech, the essence of failure was eminent, and I felt as if I could not breathe. I felt that every word lacked substance and every syllable I uttered was filled with complete hollowness. Everything seemed like an illusion, almost as if I was in a bad dream that had no sign of ending.

When I entered Learning Unlimited Prep, I thought I could offer a lot to the school, and I always wanted to make a difference. It did not matter whether I made significant contributions or even noticeable changes; I just wanted be known in Learning Unlimited Preparatory as the boy who did.

Reality struck me when I heard a prominent Haitian accent during my opponent's turn. His speech was very vibrant; he didn't fail to grasp the attention of the class. He even rapped his conclusion which portrayed him as a fun, outgoing person. From the class's reaction I was reassured that everything would go downhill. To no one's dismay, he won almost every vote.

The loss was devastating, and I couldn't help but think of reasons of why it happened. Maybe I could have done some more bribing, or exaggerated my qualifications, but that wouldn't have helped me later down the road. Even after everything I was going through, I tried not to let this incident impact my life in a negative way. My sister once told me, "You can always pick out something positive even in the worst of times." After a couple weeks I came to realize that I didn't need to win this position to contribute to my school. I could make a difference with no particular status, and took every opportunity that allowed me to do so. I didn't hesitate to join Rotary, Cross Country, and Yearbook. I didn't stop there, as I even became an active member of the Science of the Soul center. I helped wherever I could.

Now in my senior year, I believe I have made a difference with all the small activities I have done through these clubs. Failure didn't hit me twice as I am now Secretary of my senior class and Sergeant in Arms of Interact. These positions would not change the fact that I lost, but I would have never made so many contributions in and out of school if I had won.

nevabressler - / 20  
Nov 30, 2008   #2
One of my most important talents has to be my ability to recognize opportunities even in the midst of adversity.

Well written.

Neva
EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Dec 1, 2008   #3
Usually, it is best not to use contractions in formal, academic writing, so instead of writing, for example, "wouldn't," you should write out the two words, "would not."

This is a great story, and perfect for the prompt. Here is some improvement for the ending:

Now that I am in my senior year, I believe that I have made a difference through all the small activities I have completed with these clubs. Failure did not hit me twice; I am now Secretary of my senior class and Sergeant in Arms of Interact. These positions would not change the fact that I lost, but I would never have made so many contributions in and out of school if I had won.


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