Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (150-400 words)
One here:
A visit to a nursing house for the elderly of Chinese immigrants was scheduled on my last year's sister-city exchange program in Seattle. While I have been doing community service in my hometown for several years, this experience was a total epiphany that changed my perception of "good deeds".
I saw a middle-aged Caucasian volunteer exhausted gestures of all sorts, mixed with muddling Mandarin, pleading an old lady to have her breakfast. After approximately ten minutes' "badgering", he finally caved in, with the old lady scolding in fluent Mandarin in the background. Later, he walked to me and expressed his displeasure. He complained about how disappointed all the good intentions "were flushed down the toilet" and how ungrateful those people were.
But he was wrong all along! Chinese people, especially the older generations, are acolytes to the idea of hierarchy in terms of age, with the elderly being the most venerable. This means you cannot approach them as if you were talking to a bunch of teenyboppers or close friends who can effortlessly understand your punch lines, which, unfortunately, he did.
Good intentions are not enough to tackle the misunderstanding. Lying beneath the facade are the cultural barriers. Different communities have different values, customs, and needs. Without understanding this, even the best intention can do more hindrance than help. Often we do what whatever we think is the best for the people we are helping, not realizing that, instead, what they think matters more. "Good deeds" are not helper-centered, but "helpee-oriented".
Now in retrospect, I feel lucky not to skip the visit merely because of the two-hour bus ride, for this shed light on what I hadn't previously realized. The "helpee-oriented" conception has guided me through every volunteering job and pretty successfully avoided turning my kindness into daggers. But I also understand this has always been a pandemic issue, in practice of medicine, shopping at grocery stores, and even everyday conversations. The complexity and individuality of human interaction inevitably lead to misunderstandings and miscommunications at times. And apparently, more efforts than volunteering are needed to close the gaps. I genuinely hope that, which I also wish my college experience will contribute to, people of same and different races, cultural contexts and whatever factors that lead to the gaps today can one day talk in same or different languages without being lost in translation.
The other one:
Mod comment: One essay at one time please
Honestly I like the idea. Nice use of the contrast between helper-centered and helpee-oriented.
However, a couple of improvements to be made:
After approximately ten minutes' () "badgering",
(of)
I feel lucky not to skip the visit
I feel lucky I did not choose to skip the visit.
I genuinely hope that, which I also wish my college experience will contribute to, people of same and different races, cultural contexts and whatever factors that lead to the gaps today can one day talk in same or different languages without being lost in translation.
Awkward phrasing.
I genuinely hope that people of different race or cultural background can one day speak using the same tongue, without being lost in translation.
Can we have the complete prompt for the essay response please? I feel that as an activity essay, you have written an interesting piece but you are somehow disconnected from the story you are telling. You seem more like a bystander detailing what is going on around you or between people at the facility rather than being actually involved in any activities that depict the way that this extra curricular activity has helped give you a well rounded development as a person. In order to make this essay more effective, we need to see more of your participation at the center with a depiction of a specific event or person, that has helped to make this activity extra special for you. That is how common extra curricular activity prompts are normally discussed. My opinion and review of your essay may still be adjusted once you provide the actual prompt though. I am only giving a more generalized statement at the moment. It will be more specific as soon as I understand the prompt requirements.
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (150-400 words)
Honestly, this is a good, appealing essay. Unfortunately, you put this essay in the wrong prompt. This essay should answer prompts that ask you to describe a particular event that affects you, while the prompt asks you to tell about an activity that you do regularly. It means that your story should be more general and wide.
You can try to recycle this idea by explaining about the sister-city exchange program, your activities and role, and your contribution in general. I do feel sorry that this essay doesn't answer the prompt, as I really like the essay. I wish there's another prompt that you can answer with this essay.
I hope I help, and good luck :)
Melati is right, the essay does not answer the prompt in the correct manner because you only refer to an activity that you did once. I do not suggest trying to spin this essay in a manner that makes it appear like you do this activity regularly. You need to be honest in your essays and make sure that you provide only truthful information. So you have two choices in this matter. Either change the activity in the essay to one that you actually do on a regular basis or choose a prompt that will better fit the essay you already wrote. If you choose to stick to the current prompt, then choose an activity that you regularly do which helps you develop an aspect of your personality. It does not have to automatically be about volunteering your time to help others, you can talk about anything that you enjoy doing which helps you learn about yourself and helps you develop a life perspective. Sports activities, a part time job, or even just helping out around the house on a regular basis, if you enjoy doing it, can be spun to fit the essay requirements.
