Helping my mom fight for her life - obstacle, bump - criticism you may have

If there has been some obstacle or bump in the road in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.

Helping my mom fight for her life three straight years could be considered a huge bump in the road, or even more so, a battle. My mother had brain cancer at the end of my elementary years up until the seventh grade. It never really hit me until I came home that day and didn't see the hospital bed, or three nurses helping her get in and out of the bed. The drapes on window where she would sit and look outside had been taken off. Those years were as if my life was on freeze, and her life was just going by so fast.

Many school activities were left unattended due to the fact that she was not able to participate, and that I could not bear to see her in a wheel chair in front of all my peers. Being as strong as she was though she made it her job to at least be the best mother in those last years, she was. Being sympathized and having to see a psychologist, or talk to my school guidance counselor, was something I loathed. They had all the right intentions but I just wanted to be as strong as my mother and go on and take life one-step at a time. Being strong and not taking life for granted is something I have learned due to this experience.

what is the word count? i think you have a very powerful story to share...but the essay is too vague. Adding more details will make it easier for readers to connect with you. You may want to spend more time discussing the different qualities that displayed your mother's strength of spirit and what you have personally gained from observing these qualities.

I hope you still have time because I would suggest a complete re-write. Maybe start with an outline including a few examples of the hardships you endured, followed by more specific examples of what you have learned from the experience.

I'm pretty sure you have a really really short character limit, and considering that, this is pretty good. I would agree with SeeHerFly, but due to the character limit, I don't think you can really do much with it.. But it's pretty good, I think. Maybe you should talk more on what you learned than what you loathed to present positive qualities about you.

thanks, I have to write two essays, and both of them cannot be more than 500 combined.