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'High Heels award' - Personal essay for UCLA(Transfer to film major)


lxhtin 1 / 1  
Oct 17, 2009   #1
ANY criticism is welcomed!!!
I'm not a good writer but I really want to try!
My words and sentences are too simple...and I think this essay is not vivid enough...confused...

The personal essay should include a summary of your background, creative interests, academic and professional goals. It may include unusual life experiences you have had, important influences in your life, your motivation for wanting to study film and television, and the kind of creative work you want to do. Do not use the personal essay to flatter us; use these few pages to create a very personal and vivid picture of yourself, what is most important to you, and your creative and professional goals.

"Lu Xiaohan, High Heels", I have won the bronze award! I take the trophy from the professor on the stage, I just feel like a star and want to laugh loud. It is May. 13th, 2009, the day I win my first trophy in the school's film festival. I clearly remembered the professor saying: "Too dark, reshoot this" after watching my first project, and I just felt "Oh my God, reshoot? Does anybody know how long it took me to shoot and edit?" I spent one more week to redoing it, negotiating with the actor to play again, and reediting all the videos every night until three o'clock, etc. This experience not only brought me a little trophy, but the determination for my future direction. I enjoy the special experience of making films, although it can be really tough and tiring sometimes, it's a sense of accomplishment that I have never felt.

Growing up in China, I have been educated in Eastern teaching ways since kindergarten. Film taught me about Western cultures, which couldn't be acquired from books or newspapers. The intuitionistic images of films lead me to a wider view of life and experience. During my high school years, I began to watch various kinds of movies. My parents also influenced in me that they both like watching films. Film is not a kind of heated major in China, nobody around me is even studying it. But when choosing a major when applying for the university, and with full support of my parents I determined to study communication arts.

After attending the university, the colorful freshman year provided me great chances to develop my interests, I shot films, took part in the school's volunteer work, learned to skate, and so on. Being a member of our university's orchestra was also an important part of my freshman year. Since studying the flute since the age of ten, I have never taken part in a bit group. In the beginning, I could not even follow the melody, which was embarrassing when the conductor stopped, turned to me and corrected my tone or rhythm. However, the group members encouraged me to keep practicing so that I could soon catch up with the others. I went to the student center to practice with others every Monday and I became as good as them. It is honorable to represent the school in shows. This orchestra helps me promote my flute skills, but the most important thing is that I meet so many friends and know deeply that we cannot present a great show without good teamwork. Just like playing in orchestra, film is a collaborative art, although we only shoot short ones now, we still cannot produce good quality videos without teamwork such as actors' performances and peoples' hanging lights or microphones.

I was honored to have the chance to get my first internship at the end of my freshman year this summer, I worked as an editor assistant in CCTV (China Central Television) and CETV (China Educational Television). I found this work was not as easy as I thought, being an editor needs comprehensive knowledge, not just the technical knowledge of using machines. The professional editor I worked with at CCTV has been worked in this field for more than fifteen years, she told me that even the simplest editing needs putting energy into it, like following the footstage well and truly with controlling the rhythm of the video properly. Being chosen to be one of the interview group of the program "Art China" of CETV, it was excited to handle many things like shooting, recording, grasping the chance interviewing with famous artists. Even though the whole process was rushing and backbreaking, it was worthy to get the important news. Having experienced this special summer, I get to know the hard work of this field.

At present, my career ideal is clear in my mind. Since Chinese films are keeping improving in both techniques and international views, I want to be one of the Chinese filmmakers who involve in producing high quality movies and present them to the international field. To combine my own career goal with social development and accommodate a wide variety of interdisciplinary knowledge, I will comprehensively study the interactive relationship between theories and technical aspects. I pick up this program with the most advanced research facilities and world-class faculty, to upgrade my knowledge of film production. Study different types of films and learn diverse thinking ways are essential to my future career. Equally I'm certain that with your guidance I will play a better part in contribution to China's film industry.

Thanks very much for taking the time!!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 18, 2009   #2
"Lu Xiaohan, High Heels", I have won the bronze award! I take the trophy from the professor on the stage, feeling like a star, and I just want to laugh loud. It is May. 13th, 2009, the day I win my first trophy in ...

I think you could make it better by chopping off that first sentence. It's confusing when you start off by shouting somethigabout high heels. But it is such a nice start if you begin with, "I take the trophy..."

I enjoy the special experience of making films; although it can be really tough and tiring sometimes, it brings a sense of accomplishment that I have never felt.

This is great! I think they will be impressed by it.
sv6554 2 / 5  
Oct 19, 2009   #3
"I spent one more week to redoing it"

"Since studying the flute since the age of ten, I have never been part of a bitg group."

"In the beginning, I could not even follow the melody, thoroughly embarassedwhich was embarrassing whenever the conductor stopped, turned to me and corrected my tone or rhythm."

"The professional editor I worked with at CCTV has been workeding in this field for more than fifteen years, she told me that even the simplest editing needs putting energy into itenergy put into it , like following the footstage well and truly with controlling the rhythm of the video properly."

"Being chosen to be one of the interview group of the programto be an interviewer for "Art China" on CETV, itI was excited to handle many things like shooting, recording, andgrasping the chance interviewing with famous artists. "

"After having experienced this special summer, I get to know the hard work of this field."

"Since Chinese films are keepingcountinuously improving in both techniques and international views. I want to be one of the Chinese filmmakers who is involved in producing high quality movies and present them to the international field."

"Studying different types of films and learning diverse thinking ways are essential to my future career."

"Equally I'm certain that with your guidance I will play a better part in contribution to China's film industry." I'm not sure what you're trying to say there.

And it's late and I'm tired and I haven't done my homework, so I'm going to stop there. Hope it helped. :)

P.S. Simplicity is not a bad thing. :)
OP lxhtin 1 / 1  
Oct 19, 2009   #4
Thanks! Kevin&SV!
I revised it today. Maybe I'll move the ochestra part because the essay is too long.
I'll put the new one here later since the Internet in my dorm room will be cut in few minutes...
EF_Stephen - / 264  
Oct 19, 2009   #5
I think I'd skip the orchestra part, too. it really isn't necessary.

this is a good essay. I like the feel of it, and can get a sense of your dedication to filmmaking in it.


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