high-level academics, pre-professional training, and Jewish life - Why UPenn?

Prompt - Considering both the specific undergraduate school or program to which you are applying and the broader University of Pennsylvania community, what academic, research, and/or extracurricular paths do you see yourself exploring at Penn?

Some info - It says it should be approximately 500 words. I have here 348. Just wanted to here what you guys have to say and if theres any corrections please let me know. Also should I add another factor/reason to make it closer to the 500 words or keep it as is? I'm applying to Wharton.

Essay - As a high school freshman I was deeply interested in mathematics. A close family friend, who's also a Penn alum, recommended I look into the statistics department when I applied for college.

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Also, it wouldn't hurt to talk about a special class that UPenn offers in which you want to attend or a Professor's book you read and had to attend his class. That'd make your essay a lot more powerful.

Thanks for the corrections. I fixed it up a bit and added a specific class/professor. Still below 400 words. Any more criticism? Be harsh please.

As a high school freshman I was deeply interested in mathematics. A close family friend, who is also a Penn alum, recommended I look into the statistics department when I applied for college. He told me about the profound impact Professor Abba Krieger had on him especially in his major and career choice.

After learning more about Penn and Dr. Krieger, I felt that my passion for using mathematics as a lens to examine the world would be nurtured. Penn seemed an natural fit for me because it is the only statistics department in the country that housed itself inside a real world focused and top notch business school.

During my high school career I studied calculus AB and BC. Every time I learned a new theorem, I needed to find out its application in the real world. That is why I gravitated towards the field of statistics. I'm excited to major in statistics because the challenge of taking large amounts of data and extracting the hidden gems of information buried within, appeals to my passion of solving puzzles.

The ability to take data and interpret it in order to make informed decisions is a very valuable tool that is needed in all areas of business and management. Penn will allow me to apply my math skills in this field.

I plan on pursuing a career of applying my mathematic talents to the management world and the new era of data based decisions. Penn is the perfect place to study because it fuses statistics and business minds in the same silo.

Another aspect of Penn is the large and vibrant Jewish life present on campus. Penn has one of the largest Jewish populations of any college. As an orthodox Jew, Penn would give me the opportunity to live away from home and still keep my Jewish identity. This was one criterion that is important for me when choosing a college. Penn truly seems to have it all.

I would like to attend Penn because it encompasses the perfect blend of high-level academics, pre-professional training, and Jewish life. It has exactly what I am looking for in a college. To be a student at Penn would give me the tools to succeed and excel in the field of statistics.

I'm applying for UPenn as well and as you know wharton is highly selective, and i can't say i feel much passion in ur essay. Sorry to be blunt but it is not strong enough for wharton.