Please help!! I would appreciate any advice- grammar, your feeling about this essay, general advice, some points you think are weird... or anything. Thanks!
How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.
University of Chicago's motto "Crescat scientia; vita excolatur," is what I have been pursuing in my life. As the motto suggests, UC is committed to enrich the society with its highest quality of education.
UC provides everything to drive all students deeper into learning. Besides the faculty of world-leading scholars, UC adds its perfection with its magnificent library system which provide seven million volumes of valuable academic materials for farther research and study. The Joe and Rika Mansueto Library thrills me and makes me promise myself to delve into books and scholarly resources in the center of Chicago, in the center of the world.
Unlike other colleges that tend to belittle the study of history, UC has been a leader university in the field of history since the beginning. The fact that UC offers research grants to history students is only a small part of what it has to offer. The history department, associated closely with PRISM, provides numerous workshops and leads students to explore history outside of classrooms. Furthermore the internship programs of the UC offer students broader opportunities to explore history as their interests. It thrills me when I imagine my being part of recording history, by developing the Children's Gallery at the Chicago History Museum, documenting oral histories, and preparing online exhibitions. The location of UC in Chicago adds many opportunities to the historical students; however UC does not limit themselves in the area of Chicago. UC's civilization studies programs, located in all around the world, give the real taste and analysis of historical development. Finally I think that UC's unCommon application demonstrates that it inspires the students to think deeper in the midst of rapidly changing, and shallow society.
The UC and my past are closely intermingled together. Chicago was the first United States I experienced that I bypassed. As I walked the Chicago airport, I was completely overwhelmed by virtually everything. I had to confront myself who looked smaller than ever, and the future adversities that were waiting for me and my family. Two years from then I dream myself walking in the street of Chicago as a confident student of University of Chicago, committed to grow more knowledge, deeper than ever.
Your essay seems to praise UC a lot, and while that's fine, I don't think you relate it with yourself often enough. Colleges know what they do and have, but they want to see why you are pursuing them. Make it more personal - provide examples and change the focus to you.
