'my hiking trip at Philmont' - Common App Extracurricular

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum)

My 40-pound pack accentuated my staggering as strong gusts of wind hit me from all directions. Rocks and pebbles continuously slipped underneath my hiking boots as I ascended Mt. Baldy. Worst of all, the gash on my right kneecap had not fully healed. My face contorted with pain with every step. My Boy Scout crew had ascended approximately 941 feet with 1500 feet left to go. I was on the threshold of withdrawing from the hike but I pressed on, eventually reaching the peak.

Because I was not physically robust and had suffered an injury recently, my hiking trip at Philmont (High Adventure Base for Boy Scouts) was at a height of difficulty unseen to me in both the mental and physical aspect. Yet I persevered through the adversity and now I believe I am prepared for future challenges to come, regardless in which aspect they come from.

Note
Other than grammar, can you comment on the content?

My 40-pound pack accentuated my staggering staggering what? as strong gusts of wind hit me from all directions. Rocks and pebbles continuously slipped underneath my hiking boots as I ascended Mt. Baldy. Worst of all, the gash on my right kneecap had not fully healed. My face contorted with pain with every step. My Boy Scout crew had ascended approximately 941 feet with 1500 feet left to go. I was on the threshold of withdrawing from the hike but I pressed on, eventually reaching the peak.

Because I was not physically robust and had suffered an injury recently, my hiking trip at Philmont (High Adventure Base for Boy Scouts) was at a height of difficulty unseen to me in both the mental and physical aspect. Yet, I persevered through the adversity and now I believe I am prepared for future challenges to come, regardless in which aspect they come from.

That last sentence was very random it was like boom conclusion! if that makes sense there was a huge jump. Try to put a sentnece before that the ready the reader into the conclusion :) hope I helped! Other wise really good descriptions!

The conclusion was very choppy. Try to give us a sentence which leads us to your "epiphany."

"my hiking trip at Philmont (High Adventure Base for Boy Scouts) was at a height of difficulty unseen to me in both the mental and physical aspect."

This sentence was very unclear. There are better ways to rephrase this. An admissions officer might read this and be a little confused as to what you are trying to say.

I also went to philmont and you managed to describe the turmoil we both experienced throughout the trip. This is very well done. Good Job.

The conclusion like Jamez said is pretty abrupt and choppy. You still have 150 characters! I also suggest some additional "wrapping up" at the end to really give that kick.

The topic is fine, shows you and your will to persevere! (:

Dilara:
Thank you so much!
I'm using staggering as a noun. Hope that clears that up.

James:
Thank you so much!
I will rephrase that sentence and improve the flow to the conclusion.

Edited

My 40-pound pack accentuated my staggering as strong gusts of wind hit me from all directions. Rocks and pebbles continuously slipped underneath my hiking boots as I ascended Mt. Baldy. Worst of all, the gash on my right kneecap had not fully healed. My face contorted with pain with every step. My Boy Scout crew had ascended approximately 941 feet with 1500 feet left to go. I was on the threshold of withdrawing from the hike but I pressed on, eventually reaching the peak.

Because I was not physically robust and had suffered an injury recently, my hiking trip at Philmont was especially difficult for me physically and mentally. Yet I persevered through the adversity and acquired a tenacious attitude. With this mindset, I believe I am prepared for future challenges to come, regardless in which aspect they come from.

Is the flow to the conclusion less choppy?