History & My Engineer father; U of T Material Engineering- Why Eng?

Knikcalb 1 / -

Jan 16, 2013 #1

I have been working on this for years...and it still doesn't look right... feeling desperate right now
I am applying for Material Engineering~And here is the requirement:

Please write a brief essay that answers the following questions.

What has inspired you to pursue an engineering degree and why would you like to study at the University of Toronto?
What skills have you developed through your extra-curricular experiences that will support your future success as both a student and an engineer?
---------------------------------------------------------------------- -----My Stupid Essay-------------------------------------------------- --------------- -----------------------------------------------------------

The first time I had the thought of becoming an engineer was when engineering revealed its significance and attractiveness to me through history. When I first learn about modern history, it suddenly occurs to me that a single engineering development has jump started a new era of human history. Three centuries ago in Britain, the invention of Watt steam engine has not only created the word "engineer", but it has changed everything: Manufacturing productivity has been rise to a historical level; human has first traveled faster than houses because of the engine-powered vehicles; even the social structure has been changed for the increased workforce. Later, Britain became the largest empire in the world, and new developments of technology also been spread to the rest of the world along its expansion. Engineers have brought human to the Industrial Era, and the thought of becoming one of them has always been a driving force to me. However, despite that engineering has stricken me with its significant role through books and information, having my father works as an engineer still has a unique influence on me. Since the day my father told me the ultrasound sensors in my Lego robot's eyes were developed by his team, as a child, my impression to engineers has been associated with admirations of "creating eyesight out of wires and metal". This can be childish, but it was what first triggers my interest and attracts attention to engineering.

READ BELOW

dumi 1 / 6793

Jan 16, 2013 #2

MyStupid Essay

Hey.... no one who joins Essay Forum is stupid ....LOL
Anyway, going through what you wrote, I don't think you are stupid at all :D

The first time I had the thought of becoming an engineer was when engineering revealed its significance and attractiveness to me through history.

This sounds like a direct answer for a question, "what was the first time that you felt wanting to become an engineer?"
So, I suggest you to say this through an experience that may sound more interesting and creative. Start with some story that relates to engineering and tell how you got inspired by it. That's enough :)

Didgeridoo - / 289

Jan 16, 2013 #3

Relax. I've read so many essays by prospective engineering majors who have no idea how to write something more original and personal than "I think that being an engineer will help me get a high-paying job and impact the world one person at a time." So you're already pretty good in my eyes. And you answer all parts of the prompt, which is stellar.

The first time I had the thought of becoming an engineer was when engineering revealed its significance and attractiveness to me through history (This is an interesting concept, but instead of just saying it like this, describe the first time you were reading a history book for school / for fun and noticed the power of technology to influence society.) . When I first learned about modern history (Be specific with a place and time period) , it suddenly occurred to me that single engineering developments havejump-started whole new eras(I took out "human history" because you already had "modern history".) . Three centuries ago in Britain, the invention of Watt's steam engine rose manufacturing productivity to historical levels,humans were able to travel faster than houses(Houses can't travel...)because of engine-powered vehicles , and the social structure changed to accommodate a growing workforce. Later, Britain became one of the largest empires in the world, and new developments of technology spread to the rest of the world as the nation expanded . Engineers brought society to the Industrial Era, and the thought of becoming such a progressive force(You said " the thought of becoming one of them", but you can't be one of the engineers that brought society to the Industrial Era.) has always been a driving force to me. (This part is a little weird, because you were influenced by your father before you discovered engineering's role in history, so this thought couldn't have always driven you.) .

But even though seeing the significance of engineering to history has increased my passion for the field , having a father who is an engineer has a unique influence on me. Ever since I was _____, when my father told me that the ultrasound sensors in my Lego robot's eyes were developed by his team, my impression of engineers has been associated with admirationfor their ability tocreate eyesight out of wires and metal . This can be childish(It's not childish. There's something a little magical about knowing that engineers can create something out of seemingly nothing, or can change the course of history with a single invention. Don't sell yourself short by writing this.) , but it was what first attracted my attention to engineering.

(My suggestion would be to open with the father thing, since that came first, then go into the history thing, then connect it back to the idea that having the power to create and change the world is what inspired you to become an engineer.)

The reason why I choose the Material Engineering Faculty in the University of Toronto is its leading role in the area of sustainability and energy in the world. (Careful. Even though there are three questions to answer, this is still one essay. Don't change gears so suddenly. For example, from the last paragraph, you can say that the University of Toronto, will help you create, because it's an engineering program, and it will help you change the world because you want to use its sustainability to help the environment.) For instance , the world most efficient organic light-emitting diode (OLED) and solar cells with 0.7% world recorded efficiencyïźwhich were developed by teams led by Engineering Professors Zheng-Hong Lu and Ted Sargent, respectively, were both ground-breaking to the study of clean energy(I think they'll know why they are so ground-breaking. What they really want to know is why you care so much about the environment, and what you plan to do with the resources at such an environmentally conscious college.) . As fossil fuels,pollution, and restrictions(What do you mean by this?) are being frequently mentioned these days, these energy-saving developments are not only academically significant(This is also confusing.) , but can also help me find solutions to the urgent energy crisis global industries are facing .

For the preparation of my future study and career, I have developed two essential skills, group management skill and presentation skill, through my participation in extra-curricular activities (Again, transitions are key. You could write something like "The two most important skills that one would need to solve such a large and pressing problem are ______ and _____." Explain why #1 is important, how you learned that skill, and how UToronto encourages that skill. Then do that with #2.) . In the last two years, I have volunteered in my school's Homework Club as a mentor, helping elementary students with their academic performances and behaviours(Too fancy. Try "homework" and something more specific than behaviors.) after school. Group management skills are what I have accomplished during my volunteering.(You don't need this at all; you'll explain it by describing what you do; plus, you already mentioned this earlier.) In order to finish the homework within designated time, I have to be able to calm downrowdy childrenevery session.By _________ and _______ (Describe what you do.), I learn patience and effective communicationApart from that, presentation techniques are also what I consider as essential to an engineer.(Again, unnecessary.) Therefore, I have joined the Toastmasters Club (Explain what exactly this is.) to improve my oral communications skills by presenting speeches and hosting meetings. After a period of learning time in the club, I also volunteered as a tour guide in our local historical site to put my skills in practical use. (Don't end it here. You to wrap this essay up, tie it with a bow, and throw it at UToronto. Something like, "I have the dream, the drive, and the skills; through the University of Toronto, I know I can change the world." That was kind of lame, but hopefully you get the drift.)

Solid foundation and interesting read! Keep writing!