"Homeless guy " Common app essay

Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence

Mankind has always loved myths and fairytales. The characters in those stories are idealized and represent ideas common to us. Little red riding hood is the epitome of moral goodness, the wicked witch in Hansel and Gretel represents pure evil. We need those characters since in reality people have always two sides to their personality. However, sometimes a person, who seems to come out of a different world, comes along to influence our lives forever.

Two years ago I volunteered at the "Bahnhofsmission", an organization at the railway station that took care of everybody who was in need of help. While my first two days of work had been calm, at the end of my third day I was devastated. A man whose marriage proposal was rejected came in and insinuated under tears that he was about to kill himself. A heroin addict had thrown his syringes at us, shouting "I hope you all get aids". The atmosphere had calmed down, but I was deeply shocked. However, then something happened religiously inclined people would call a wonder.

Equipped with torn clothes, a wild beard and crutches a homeless man came in who seemed as though he had slept a week under a bridge. In fact, he had. "After sleeping a week under a bridge you just need a coffee", he said laughingly and sat down. While I was providing him with coffee my co-volunteer whispered to me that the man reeked of alcohol. Obviously endowed with a good sense of hearing, the man said smilingly:

"You know, this is exactly what some cops told me when I was driving with an electronic wheelchair down the road. "You smell very much like alcohol, sir". Then I:"I am an alcoholic. I always smell like alcohol". The cops:"Are you drunk right now?" "Again I am an alcoholic. I am always drunk".

"But you cannot drive like this on the road!" "What are you gonna do? Take away my wheelchair?"
"OK, but be cautious." "Of course I am cautious you idiots, these are my bones."

This person was the epitome of peace. He instilled in me fascination with the power of mind, which made him perfectly happy despite disability and homelessness and which afterwards enabled me to not let asthma and skin disease affect my mental happiness. More importantly, this man fascinated by being simply himself which showed me that inside of every person is something uniquely beautiful worth searching for. This revelation sparked my interest in psychology and acting which both let me explore the wonderful depths of a personality.

If he read those lines he would likely say laughingly "I am not the epitome of anything. I am just a bum." He would probably have a point. However, mankind needs inspiring stories to carry it through times of doubt and uncertainty. Just as children are read every night the fairy tale they love, every time I have doubts in humanity I remember this man and realize that life is ultimately beautiful.

Any feedback will be greatly appreciated

I love the idea of this essay, the only part that bothers me is the introduction. I don't think that you need it--put it together with the conclusion if you really want to include it. I think the essay would be a lot more interesting if it started with the 2nd paragraph.

the people above me touched on the grammatical errors. i like your conclusion a lot. just make sure to reread it and catch any grammar issues. besides that its WONDERFUL!

if you have a chance please check out my princeton essay. thanks :D

something happened religiously inclined people would call a wonder.

The sentence is a little awkward.

I like your conclusion. It's good. But i am not quite sure about your intro. While it's good, it didnt exactly reflect the rest of the essay. I was expecting something like a villain that inspires you after reading the intro.

I like it a lot. Just the last part " children are read every night the fairy tale they love" you should rephrase it. The rest is fine :)

Would you mind to check my essays?

The characters in those stories are idealized and represent ideas common to us. Little red riding hood is the epitome of moral goodness, the wicked witch in Hansel and Gretel represents pure evil. (Combine these two sentences like this -->The characters in those stories are idealized and represent ideas common to us: Little Red Riding Hood is the epitome of moral goodness, the wicked witch in Hansel and Gretel represents pure evil.) We need thosecharacters since in reality people have always two sides to their personality.(I'm not quite sure how that last sentences ties in to the message you're trying to convey) However, sometimes a person (no comma) who seems to come out of a different world, comes along and influences our lives forever.

...However, then something happened that religiously inclined people would call a wonder.
...Equipped with torn clothes, a wild beard, and crutches, a homeless man came in who seemed as though he had slept a week under a bridge.


^^ When having dialogue within a quotation, use a single apostrophe instead of double quotations. Does that make sense? So like: "You know, this is exactly what some cops told me when I was driving with an electronic wheelchair down the road. ' You smell very much like alcohol, sir.' etc etc.


^^ These are really good sentences with very nice underlying themes, but the phrasing is a little awkward. Also, I think you should make a separate sentence for how his mindset has helped you overcome your asthma and skin disease.

Overall, I enjoyed reading your essay and you did a good job; you kept things interesting. I thought you did a great job tying in your interests in psychology and acting, and your concluding paragraphs were well written and meaningful. However, I think that you should actually spend a little less time describing other people you met and generalities about your job, and instead spend more time developing how this homeless man influenced you because you've definitely got some great things going for you in this essay! Nice work and good luck with everything!

I agree with the first person abt the intro... I dont think its necessay.
The essay is really interesting though. The only other thing is that since you included
dialogue, shouldn't it be formated differently? Like a new para per person...