My homosexuality - Overcoming adversity and embracing individualism - common app essay

My mother stifled a laugh, "You're not gay, honey. Do you even know what that means?"

My world had shattered. Everything I felt I had fought tirelessly for was temporarily battered down by my mother's reaction to my attempt to come out as gay. Though before that moment I had felt invincible-having overcome the adversity, alienation, and brooding loneliness that often accompanies my type of uniqueness-my mother's disapproval of my identity was suddenly my sole concern. After years of struggling to come to terms with being different, and mustering up courage while building a future for myself, I felt devastated by the one noise that for seventeen years had always brought a smile to my face: my mother's laugh.

This lapse of strength lasted a mere moment. A smile grew from ear to ear on my face and the words uttered from my mouth felt like my first: "Mom, I'm gay." Her silence didn't inflict as much fear on me as I had initially expected. Was I going to let a fear of acceptance and need to conform regulate and control my feelings and values? No. And I gave my mother no reason to feel disappointed.

Then sophomore year ended.

I had just began an exciting opportunity to shadow a renowned medical oncologist, who served as a mentor to my journey to pursue a career as a doctor. Entailing various duties and responsibilities, I spent weeks observing what it was like to be a doctor, all the while being a mere 15 year old who, at the time, barely understood how to tie his own shoes. Within two weeks I earned the respect of every doctor and healthcare employee in the building. My mother's rejection was but a distant memory, as I engaged myself in boundless curiosity. I was admired for my zealous persona at such a young age. By then the revelation had been evident: rejection was not a determining factor in my progression as an individual and for my success. I had discovered who I truly was by exploring my various passions, regardless of the criticism thrown in my direction. And, in the end, I found less value in others' opinions of my life.

After accepting the fact that rejection simply ushers one in a different direction, I began to flourish academically and socially. Through my job, I excelled enough to earn a promotion.

And yet, something was missing.

It was the confined feeling I felt encased in. The feeling merely vanished, along with the confidence and support of my parents. I felt alone, but feeling independent for once in my life had allowed my mind and body to free itself of burden. I engrossed myself in all the rigorous classes I could handle, actively worked as a tutor to strengthen the abilities of my peers, and consequently, transformed myself into an independent and open-minded individual. My homosexuality had not been the burden I had initially assumed it was. Instead, I felt empowered and inspired to accomplish and grow.

Yes, I would have absolutely cherished the idea of growing up in an open-minded and tolerant family. However, my circumstances were not idealistic, nor did I choose them. Being raised in a relatively homophobic Asian-American family, I never had the option to live the life of a stereotypical middle-class heterosexual white male. Facing the judgement of those whose opinions I value most had allowed me to expand past my bubble of solitude and reach the borders of success and independence. Instead of grieving for the heterosexual male that I had once pretended to be, I embraced my life and the opportunities that approached me. It became apparent that though others may merely view me as "that gay kid," those closest to me see a driven individual with an endless passion for learning.

Kush, the essay in itself is enlightening. That is, if one can get over the fact that you did not really shed led upon how your parents had treated yo differently since you came out to them. Save for the silence form your mother, what other solid forms of rejection made yo strive to work harder on your individuality? How bad did your relationship get with your parents that you chose to embrace the kindness and understanding of strangers instead? Does the stand off with your family still exist? As a background identity essay, you did well in developing the social aspect of your story. However, the story of your relationship with your parents, which would clearly explain why you thrive among strangers instead, needs to be developed better. We need to see the true conflict and rejection. Mere implications will not work because you did not imply that you were accepted by strangers regardless of your sexual orientation. Therefore, the story of your relationship with your parents deserves the same attention. that will balance the point of view in the paper and offer a clearer foundation for your embracing of life and opportunities sans your parents.

Thank you for the helpful feedback! Where do you think I should include details of my relationship with my mother? I do also only have a 650 word limit and am already at around 630 words, so I would need to discard some unimportant elements to this essay and I'm not sure where to start or what to remove.

Kush, go ahead and write the essay even if it goes over the limit. I can always help you edit it for content and word count compliance once the information is already complete in the essay. As a far as application essays go, expect to always go over the word limit during the first few drafts. It will eventually shorten itself as you go through the editing process.

I believe that you can insert the information about your mother in the following area:
Then sophomore year ended.

Since that is only a single line, it doesn't really say much or do much in terms of moving the essay forward. However, if you add information at this point about your relationship with your mother, it comes immediately after her facial expression made you feel like a failure in her eyes. So the events that happened after you came out to her will be perfectly positioned to help transition into the next paragraph relating to the acceptance of the people you work with.

Just add the information as needed at this point. Then review the essay and see if you can find points that you can edit, revise to shorten, or simply delete in order to meet the word count. If you have a problem with the editing, you know I'm always here to help :-)