GW honors essay - Is it too business like?

1. In an essay of approximately 300 words, let us know why you want to be a member of the University Honors Program.

I strongly believe that the Honors Program at The George Washington University is one of the best academic programs in this nation where there are plentiful resources and excellent professional fields of research. It has a vast array of possibilities that I can pursue to shape my future career. I whole-heartedly want to be a member of the University Honors Program because it is a perfect mutually beneficial relationship in which the Program and I will benefit from what we have to offer each other.

Personally, the University Honors Program has a wide base of opportunities that will provide me with a path to perceive the world objectively and critically as I break away from the simplicity of thinking in one dimension. The Honors program is a perfect fit for me as I go on to pursue a career in the medical field. The tough, challenging courses it provides will add to my drive to excel and succeed.

As a child, my parents instilled in me the values of holistically approaching life and becoming a successful person with the power to help others succeed as well. These are the values that I will bring to George Washington University's Honors Program. True success to me is defined as self-actualization. My experience in the Honors Program will be a great asset that will empower me with the capacity to succeed and to help others succeed as well. Unlike most people who ask what this great institution's Honors Program can do for them, I ask what I can do for the Program itself. I will bring a new perspective to the program enriching its wonderful experience for me, everyone else, and the institution itself.

*Please provide constructive criticism. Is it too business like? Does it convey why i truly want to join or not? does it seem adequate? thank you.

try to make this a more personal essay.


what do you have to offer? I don't see anything here in this essay
The Honors program is a perfect fit for me as I go on to pursue a career in the medical field. The tough, challenging courses it provides will add to my drive to excel and succeed. Focus more on this idea throughout the essay.

good you talk about yourself at the end, but it's unexpected and breaks the flow of the previous two paragraphs. try moving things around.

I ask what I can do for the Program itself. <what do you mean itself?>

you do show interest in joining. however, try making it more personal and focus more on what you have to give instead of a big "suck-up" answer in your intro. place that at the end.