This is the mandatory supplement for UPenn! Harsh criticism preferred and I will return the favor!
The moment I picked up the red and blue handbook in the mail, I couldn't stop reading it.
I've heard that college years are "the best time of your life." I didn't believe it until I researched the University of Pennsylvania, known as the "Social Ivy," and found myself slack-jawed at my discoveries. From the Quakers sports team to the a-capella group "Off the Beat", from exquisite research programs to the array of classes, I immediately agreed that yes, my college years will most likely be the best time of my life if they're spent at UPenn.
The College of Arts and Sciences is the final place where I can expand my studies of humanities and science. With the Core Curriculum and research programs, the university provides a chance for all students to inherit a sundry, educational perspective. This is true intellectual maturity, and I'm delighted that I don't have to abandon my love of Literature, History, and Music while I pursue a Psychology major. I know that under this curriculum, I can freely encourage intellectual activity in discussions and studies. This is true academic diversity. As a student, I hope to contribute to this pool of well-rounded scholars with academic achievement. By participating in research and applying my knowledge of both arts and science, I can help teams make influential discoveries to add to the university's history of findings.
The student body at UPenn is the epitome of a cultural mosaic, a global microcosm. Each individual carries a unique fragment, making the entire population a conglomerate of talents. I can meet anyone, from your average New Yorker to an African princess! There's no doubt that I can experience a diffusion of ideas and cultures. Not only do I step into new educational territories, but I also see new horizons. Among the myriads of clubs and organizations, I can learn from and provide opportunities for my peers. By participating in the student-run activities, I can not only pursue my passions outside of the classroom, but also offer beneficial changes to the student community with my skills and ideas. As a member of a Do Something club, I wish to learn from UPenn's existing clubs and promote innovative charity projects with my fellow students. I can continue my mission to help my community and home, which would then be Pennsylvania. With this wonderful student body, I can do more than I ever could alone and have the pride and support of students to bring honor to this school.
UPenn embodies all that I'm looking for in a college. As I flip through my UPenn handbook each day, I aspire to be one of those grinning students walking on Locust Walk in the pages, one who can both indulge in the university's wondrous opportunities and provide new ones for those around me. I aim to be the educated and educator, the consumer and provider of knowledge.
love the ending!. its strong and inspirational. however, you could be more specific about what you hope to contribute to the uni. you talked about 'innovative social projects'. a bit more detail would be helpful. what fields are you hoping to impact, and why do you care so much about these areas? also, you kind of repeat yourself in the middle. just another revision would straighten these out. all the best!
You should use less I's in the second paragraph..it doesn't really capture the reader attention. Try to make it more interesting to read and less fragmented..
Overall, though, I think you have done a good job and you have explained how you would be an active student there..
I am applying to UPenn too..
Can you please check mine too?
Your definitly putting yourself in the position that your very well educated about Upenn but i feel like someone said above explain how you would contribute to the school and i would change "wonderful student body" to something like very diverse , Wonderful sounds little out of place