"Hopes for educational development during the next ten years" Oberlin admissions

Here is an essay I just finished for my application to Oberlin Conservatory.

Write an essay in which you describe your hopes and plans for your educational andprofessional development during the next ten years. Include such aspects asdiverse interests, career goals, and options you wish to explore.

In 10 years, I want to be a different person then I am now. I want to be someone who has learned from the past decade of experiences, someone who has had their mind opened to new ideas, someone who is constantly trying to learn and improve. I want to be able to look back on a decade of improvement, both as a musician and as a person.

I have always loved everything related to music, and after graduating with a degree in piano performance, I would like to teach at a music school. During a two week summer music intensive at the Lamont School of Music, I discovered that I really love the general atmosphere of a music school. It feels so amazing to be surrounded all day every day by musicians who share so many interests with me, and who love music just as much as I do. I love being in a place filled with musicians who want so much to learn and progress, it makes me feel like I'm advancing just by being around them. I think I would be very happy living and working in that kind of atmosphere.

I don't really have a concrete idea of what I would teach, I just know that I want to teach something related to music. I'm not completely decided in what I want to teach just because at this point in my life, I have barely even started to learn about all the different areas of music, and I want to be open to as many new things as I can be. I've heard so many musicians talk about going to college and having their eyes opened to something completely new to them, something they hadn't even thought of before. In fact, I haven't talked to a single person who said that they the same person with the same goals before and after college. I know one woman who went into college hoping to be a concert pianist, learned about Alexander technique, and now 20 years later is one of the leading therapists for injured musicians in the country. The thought that I may end up devoting my life to something that I know nothing about right now isn't worrying or frightening to me like I know it is for some people, its really exiting. It's the kind of uncertain future I would want.

Whether I end up teaching music theory, music history, music therapy, or something else entirely, I think just working in the atmosphere of a music school, surrounded by music and musicians everyday would be enough to make me happy in my career. Whatever I end up teaching, my goal for the future is to feel like I'm doing something important with my life, something that makes me wake up every day looking forward to what I have to do.

I've read this essay so many times by now that I cant get an objective opinion on it. What do you all think?

Thanks!

I want to be someone different.


Someone who constantly tried to learn and improve

Just a few minor things I felt will make it sound smoother. Otherwise, awesome essay :) You clearly developed your ideas and personality with well written and flowing language. Simple and easy to read, I enjoyed it immensely. I liked the way you talked about how uncertainty is something exciting. That alone should give you a huge edge over many other people who are afraid of changes. Two thumbs up~ and good luck!

Thanks so much for the input! This college application process is really giving me practice writing essays... oy...