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Humans at fault? / Cornell University Common App/Intrests &experiences on Major



qwerty_123 1 / 1  
Dec 27, 2012   #1
This is the prompt: College of Agriculture and Life Sciences: How have your interests and related experiences influenced the major you have selected in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences?

Can someone look over my essay and give feedback please? I would greatly appreciate it!

Here is the essay:
Thanks!

It was a hot drought ridden summer while in Texas. My dad's company scheduled a volunteer weekend at a lake near Fort Worth. Our main objective was to do beach clean up and to record data for a local organization. I knew something was wrong once we arrived. Being a lake, I imagined a sandy, crowded area with a large body of water. This wasn't the case; it turned out to be a dry area with a clearly depleting body of water. I thought to myself, "Wow, were humans at fault?" Of course Texas was extremely hot and dry, but why did this happen? With a discussion with my dad a while later I learned that the reason the water had depleted was because the city around the lake was using that water as a resource. However, the one thing that really stuck out to me that day was the sight of the remains of two dried up turtles. At that point I guessed they died because of the lack of water and extreme heat, but I wanted to know what I could do to help solve this problem.

Until high school I never thought about the lake situation again. It was when I first joined my school's environmental club that I remembered the situation at all. At that point I had moved out of Texas and into Northern Illinois, but the issues were still present like water pollution and the depletion of natural resources. Through the club I was exposed to the issues facing the environment again, and I was able to have the same motivation to help the environment as I did when I first witnessed the depleting lake in Texas. I even remember my first meeting in the environmental club. I was told right away that a couple of students and I were able to attend an HSBC webinar with other schools under the same "Green Schools" program. That meeting day fascinated me because I remember discussing what other schools around us, even a school in Ireland, were doing to reduce their school's waste and increase awareness about problems facing our environment today. On that day I heard the term "environmental engineer" and from that day on I knew what my future study in college was going to be-environmental engineering.

Once I knew I wanted to be an environmental engineer, the next step was to find a University that I would fit in to and fulfill my goal of becoming an environmental engineer. I searched across many schools only to find that their program was not for me, many because the program was listed as a concentration and not a major. Then I came across Cornell University and the environmental engineering program under the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences. I fell in love right away and quickly became my top choice. I know that it will not be an easy path towards success at Cornell but I will have the motivation and passion to fulfill my goal.

linting2012 10 / 78  
Dec 27, 2012   #2
Hi qwerty (great name BTW)

I will be harsh with you. But I think this essay, despite being very well written, is boring. I think so because it follows the traditional ways that people use to write this essay. An experience - Join a Club - Want to study the subject. Can you write something more interesting? Perhaps say something that you actually did that impact the environment? Or Perhaps start with joining the club, which let you remember the incident about the turtles and reaffirmed your dream of studying environmental stuff? Good Luck, and this is just my opinion, which could be very wrong so don't let me get to you

Can you please check my HKU essay? Its due tomorrow, I would appreciate it


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