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My Ice Cream Shop- COMMON APP ESSAY



iamesthere 4 / 15  
Dec 19, 2010   #1
Prompt: Topic of your choice. (You can write about anything, but it should tell something about yourself)
Please edit/give suggestions/comments! Thank you in advance!

I have a small little ice cream shop that sells the different flavors of my entity. The flavors range from semi-sweet tangy to delicately bitter. The three most popular ice cream flavors are Red Bean Rice Cake, Black Cherry Almond, and Cinnamon Frost Harvest. They represent my past, present, and future, respectively.

Red Bean Rice Cake is a combination of delicately bitter and delectably sweet. It consists of kidney beans, almond shavings, whipped cream, sticky rice, and a hint of spicy chili pepper. The minute I smell a whiff of the flavor, I am instantly reminded of my childhood. The flavor was prudently created by the petite hands of my Grandma: the Julia Child of the Huh Household. It originated in a small kitchen in Seoul, South Korea. I, at the time eight years old, was perched on top of a wooden stool, watching my Grandma slowly mixing the ingredients and whipping it all into a large bowl. When I first bit into the home-made ice cream, I was reminded of the ideals of my Grandma, in which she believed was to use her natural talents to create the recipe of her life. In her case, it was her cooking hands that she used to make dynamic Korean dishes, which inevitably inspired her to open up her own restaurant. In my case, it is my firm, keen sense of understanding, which allows me to relate to just about anyone. From the time I was eight, I was able to empathize and provide advice to others, even to my older sister.

Black Cherry Almond is a mixture of both sweet and tangy. Its taste is effortless: a flavor that is not too sweet, but not too bland. A sweet hint of bitterness lingers on one's tongue as the taste of the flavor slowly wanes during the last bite. Some say its flavor is as addictive as a Cupid's charming affection. It consists of raisins, walnuts, almond shavings, frozen apple cider, and a hint of cherry yogurt. The different ingredients represent who I have become through my past experiences. Frozen apple cider represents my resolute mentality that I will accomplish the things I set my mind to, such as eating healthy and exercising on a daily basis. The constituents of raisins and walnuts present the simple things in life I am grateful for, such as my supportive parents and my encouraging sister. The almond shavings represent that no matter where I am, I will carry my past experiences, which I have learned from, to make good decisions and plans for my future. Thus, almond shavings are essential ingredients in every single ice cream flavor in my shop. The hint of cherry yogurt represents my youthful side; no matter how old I get, I will carry a young spirit inside. Whenever I taste a hint of the flavor, I am fully enthralled in its alluring after taste. It makes me feel strong-willed, self-confident, and self-worthy, such as how I feel in my present life. I am a champion of highly enthusiastic dreamers, who believe in success through self-trust.

Cinnamon Frost Harvest is a flavor consisting of numerous tastes. It tastes of sea salt, autumn wheat, cauliflower, almond shavings, coconut juice, and a hint of cinnamon swirls. The combination of its ingredients makes the flavor perfectly savory. The secret to its creation is unknown. To this day, people still ponder upon where it was made, who created it, and how it was developed. However, everyone who samples the flavor is reminded that one can only achieve something if greatness is applied to the work. When I sample Cinnamon Frost Harvest, it inspires me to perform tasks and goals as if these actions truly make a difference to even just one single individual. I am propelled to seek into the unknown to search for my "Great Perhaps": the true calling for who I am to become. Even though I may not know my true calling at this moment, being immersed into the intense college environment will help me to discover new and rich passions, which I had not known of before. However I do know that no matter what it takes, I will discover my calling and drive myself to be successful in it.

Red Bean Rice Cake, Black Cherry Almond, and Cinnamon Frost Harvest are flavors that reflect my soul, great achievements, and firm potential. I recommend for all to visit my ice cream shop and experience the distinct life flavors of brilliance, integrity, and authenticity.

nishabala 4 / 91  
Dec 19, 2010   #2
The beginning's a bit too literal for a poetic essay like this, change it around? Make it more cryptic, and leave explanations to the end?

I think it shoud be Cupid, not 'a Cupid'
Otherwise, I really like it. It's really interesting, and a great concept!
Good luck!

On a more selfish note, could you help me with my William and Mary essay?
siva181 1 / 1  
Dec 19, 2010   #3
Great beginning but drones down towards the end as you continue. Try and keep the reader engaged
Rocket boy 3 / 2  
Dec 19, 2010   #4
Great beginning but drones down towards the end as you continue. Try and keep the reader engaged
MAN THIS IS AWESOME!
You did explain well overall and ended really well. but I think you got to move a step back and see what it feels like.

can u see?
yes it is slightly boring.
I am not saying it is bad.
I mean it is good but you need to make it more clean and neat. Try to get rid of personal details.
In my case I had this essay. I was so worries whether they would accept me or not. But i tried to get rid of my personal feelings and tried to make persuasive essay that would bring their tension and excite them. Remember those readers are reading thousands of essay all day. You need to make it different so they can see and feel who you are.
XueAmir 6 / 25  
Dec 19, 2010   #5
Your essay was interesting none the less to read, the only thing was I kinda lost interest as I was reading. After the first paragraph, I could easily see it was like an outline. This ice cream had such and such flavors. XYZ flavors meant such and such. If you could possibly make certain explanations stand out that might keep the readers attention.

Besides that, It was great overall.
zaynouri 3 / 7  
Dec 19, 2010   #6
I agree with the posts above you lost my attention a bit as the essay progressed. I think what could fix this issue immensely would be to simple make the essay shorter. I think your topic is great and can be more powerful if its in a short and sweet form


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