Could anyone help in reviewing my essay? Thanks!
Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development. (100 to 250 words)
In 2012, I took the "Introduction to Finance" course by University of Michigan's finance professor Mr. Gautman Kaul on Coursera. Since then, I became intrigued by the idea of time value of money.
$100 now or $110 in a month's time? Why are some people able to delay gratification of monetary benefits while others not? What explains the phenomenon of the poor being less able to reap the benefits of compounding? Is it because after spending their meagre amount of income on necessities, they do not see a point in saving the paltry sum left, and simply spend the rest? Or is it because of their weak discipline to save that cause them being poor in the first place?
My curiosity has brought me into the realm of decision economics, behavioral economics and social psychology. I read Dan Ariely's books about irrational behavior. I was exposed to a framework of decision-making in economics, Game Theory, and watched lectures on it by Professor Ben Polak. I took a course on Social Psychology by Wesleyan Professor Scott Plous of Wesleyan University and it introduced me to the interesting factors at play in the dynamics of human behaviors.
I am more enriched with ideas from different disciplines just because of my curiosity in Finance. I have learnt a principle in my intellectual pursuit: never view a problem in isolation. Right now, I am waiting for the class of Medical Neurosicence to start on Coursera.
While you have presented interesting questions in your essay about the relationship between time and money, I was left wondering as to whether you found the answers you were looking for in the books you read and courses that you I took. It is not enough to mention the books you read and courses you attended. You should show evidence of intellectual development on your part by telling us if you found the answers you sought through this process. This will support your claim towards intellectual vitality. You should skip the reference to the next course you are slated to take. Work on developing the proof of your intellectual vitality instead. That is all the essay requires.
Hi thank you for the feedback.
I'm having trouble trying to elaborate on the process as the essence of the essay is just an initial curiosity on my part - why some people are able to delay gratification for more money in the future - leading me to find the answers in other disciplines outside of finance. To be honest, I haven't been able to come to a definite explanation for my initial question even after exploring the other topics.
I guess the very essence of what I wanted to convey was that this experience of seeking an answer has unknowingly brought me to other topics, and I realised through this experience that I cannot find the answer in the very realm from which the question originated - finance - but from other disciplines. I believe other questions I encounter in the future while studying in college will also be similar - in that the solution cannot be found within a single discipline, but from various fields like mathematics and psychology for example.
The lesson here that has been important to my intellectual development is no questions can be viewed in isolation from other disciplines.
Does that make sense? Do you think this will work? I would appreciate your input :)
You actually said something in your response to me that I felt resonated very well with the essay prompt. Is there any way that you can reword the following?
I guess the very essence of what I wanted to convey was that this experience of seeking an answer has unknowingly brought me to other topics, and I realised through this experience that I cannot find the answer in the very realm from which the question originated - finance - but from other disciplines. I believe other questions I encounter in the future while studying in college will also be similar - in that the solution cannot be found within a single discipline, but from various fields like mathematics and psychology for example.
The lesson here that has been important to my intellectual development is no questions can be viewed in isolation from other disciplines.
This offers a sense of clarity that was missing in the essay and offers an insight into how you view intellectual vitality and the reason behind your intellectual development. I would love to read your essay once you have done this :-)
Thank you so very much! You're really kind! Your questions really helped got me on the right track! Here's the revised essay:
In 2012, I took the "Introduction to Finance" course by University of Michigan's finance professor Mr. Gautman Kaul on Coursera. Since then, I became intrigued by the ideas related to time value of money.
$100 now or $110 in a month's time? Why are some people able to delay gratification of monetary benefits while others not? What explains the phenomenon of the poor being less able to reap the benefits of compounding through saving? Is it because after spending their meagre amount of income on necessities, they do not see a point in saving the paltry sum left, and simply spend the rest? Or is it because of their weak discipline to save that cause their low income in the first place?
My curiosity has brought me into the realm of decision economics, behavioral economics and social psychology. I read Dan Ariely's books about irrational behavior. I was exposed to a framework of decision-making in economics, Game Theory, and watched lectures on it by Professor Ben Polak. I took a course on Social Psychology by Wesleyan University's Professor Scott Plous and it introduced me to the interesting factors at play in the dynamics of human behaviors.
I unknowingly found myself delving into different disciplines just because of my initial curiosity. I have learnt a principle that is important to my intellectual development: never view a problem in isolation because more often than not, to truly have a firm understanding and grasp of a subject, one has to draw on knowledge from other academic areas.
This is certainly a tremendously well developed answer when your word count is taken into consideration. Please, feel free to use this version of your response. It is quite informative and presents your response to the prompt in a manner that shows how your intellectual vitality has been affected by your exposure to economic principles, has helped you developed a sense of analytical problem solving, and will continue to develop in the intellectual vitality driven university you have chosen to attend.You are just 4 words over the limit at the moment so I need to help you delete those 4 unimportant words. Try this 249 word version:
In 2012, I took the "Introduction to Finance" course by University of Michigan's finance professor Mr. Gautman Kaul on Coursera. I then became intrigued by ideas related tothe time value of money.
$100 now or $110 in a month's time? Why are some people able to delay gratification of monetary benefits while others not? What explains the phenomenon of the poor being less able to reap the benefits of compounding through saving? Is it because after spending their meagre amount of income on necessities, they do not see a point in saving the paltry sum left, and simply spend the rest? Or is it because of their weak discipline to save that causes their low income in the first place?
My curiosity brought me into the realm of decision economics, behavioral economics and social psychology. I read Dan Ariely's books about irrational behavior. I was exposed to a framework of decision-making in economics, Game Theory, and watched lectures by Professor Ben Polak. I took a course on Social Psychology by Wesleyan University's Professor Scott Plous and it introduced me to the interesting factors at play in the dynamics of human behaviors.
I unknowingly found myself delving into different disciplines just because of my initial curiosity. I have learnt a principle that is important to my intellectual development: never view a problem in isolation because more often than not, to truly have a firm understanding and grasp of a subject, one has to draw on knowledge from other academic areas.