'idea of learning / isles of Trinidad and Tobago' - UCF Personal Statements

Please read and let me know if i can submit these statements with my application form, because my boyfriend says that he doesn't think that it makes sense ( that i'm not answering the questions asked!) I told him that he's wrong. What do you think?

2. How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?

As a Health Record Tech1 (HRT1), I have been exposed to the satisfying aspects of Medicine in a setting very new to me. I have always had a special interest in scientific and medical matters; more specifically Forensic Science. My country of Trinidad & Tobago does not offer this Program of Study and I wish to get the opportunity to study it at your school. Learning this program would be very beneficial to both my country and me because there is a great need for the practice of Forensic Science in Trinidad. Our Police Service is not equipped with a Forensic Science Department and our increasing crime rate/violence is of a major concern to me. I would feel privileged to take part in "ridding" Trinidad of this stigma and this career will allow me to integrate thoroughly my passion for Science into a public-service framework.

The idea of learning is a lifelong process, and I want to continue always to learn new and helpful tools in my chosen field of study. Becoming a Forensic Scientist has always been my dream and I began with small steps to help prepare myself, starting with studying Science Subjects in High School, then advancing to complete an Associate Degree in Information Technology and presently I am getting familiar with Medical Procedures, equipment and jargon from my workplace (hospital).

I have come to discover that a job and even a good income, minus another significant purpose, will not bring satisfaction. I plan to utilize my assets, namely my problem-solving affinity, strong work ethic, and interpersonal commitment, to craft a stimulating, personally rewarding career in Forensic Science. Fortunately, I have an opportunity to make a change, and I could not be more grateful. I have taken stock of myself, considering my skills, experiences, and goals.

4. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

I am confident that I will actively absorb all available knowledge, forge friendships and be able to contribute some of my " Caribbean Flavour " with my fellow UCF students. My cultural environment has influenced my personality and nature by providing me with a sunny outlook and curiosity for other cultures and lands. My home sweet isles of Trinidad and Tobago, has fused all ethnic groups and has a rich heritage of dance,As a Health Record Tech1 (HRT1), I have been exposed to the satisfying aspects of Medicine in a setting very new to me. I have always had a special interest in scientific and medical matters; more specifically Forensic Science. My country of Trinidad & Tobago does not offer this Program of Study and I wish to get the opportunity to study it at your school. Learning this program would be very beneficial to both my country and me because there is a great need for the practice of Forensic Science in Trinidad. Our Police Service is not equipped with a Forensic Science Department and our increasing crime rate/violence is of a major concern to me. I would feel privileged to take part in "ridding" Trinidad of this stigma and this career will allow me to integrate thoroughly my passion for Science into a public-service framework.

The idea of learning is a lifelong process, and I want to continue always to learn new and helpful tools in my chosen field of study. Becoming a Forensic Scientist has always been my dream and I began with small steps to help prepare myself, starting with studying Science Subjects in High School, then advancing to complete an Associate Degree in Information Technology and presently I am getting familiar with Medical Procedures, equipment and jargon from my workplace (hospital).

I have come to discover that a job and even a good income, minus another significant purpose, will not bring satisfaction. I plan to utilize my assets, namely my problem-solving affinity, strong work ethic, and interpersonal commitment, to craft a stimulating, personally rewarding career in Forensic Science. Fortunately, I have an opportunity to make a change, and I could not be more grateful. I have taken stock of myself, considering my skills, experiences, and goals.

music, art, cuisine and festivals. This melting pot has made me realize how important it is to be able to treat all people with the respect they deserve, without letting prejudices or stereotypes get in the way of my actions.

The highlight of our year is Carnival; an ultimate two day explosion of colour and drama, which showcase the rich artistic and cultural expressions of the island. Carnival attracts x million /thousand visitors each year, affording me the opportunity to make friends from all over the world and imbuing me with a desire to travel and experience other cultures. I have had the opportunity to learn and coexist with people from disparate backgrounds and I believe it is a person's culture that defines who they are.

I am immensely proud of being a Trinidadian and I look forward to not only sharing my qualities and ways with others, but to also learn from new diverse experiences that I will encounter in the future.

I see a career in Forensic Science as a great challenge. It is a field that is ever changing and advancing with new technology; and I am dedicated to apply myself as an undergraduate to pursue this goal.

Your boyfriend is right: You didn't answer the first question at all. You began to answer the second question but then strayed back into talking about your job experience and your career goals, neither of which are germane. Try again. Read the questions carefully. Answer them. Resist the urge to mention your job title or your career goals, which I believe you will be able to do elsewhere in your application. And never, never, repeat what you said in one answer verbatim in another.

Thanks for your immediate response to my post yesterday EF_Simone.
In my haste to post my statement, i didn't realise that I made an error.
It seems that I cut, copy & pasted the statement wrong for number 2, as well as number 1... but let me correct it now & send it over for you to re-read again ok.

As for question no.1, I shall review the tips that you have shared with me & re-write a better answer. Thanks alot for the advice.

(I'll repost an answer for no.1 when its complete.)

2. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

I am confident that I will actively absorb all available knowledge, forge friendships and be able to contribute some of my " Caribbean Flavour " with my fellow UCF students. My cultural environment has influenced my personality and nature by providing me with a sunny outlook and curiosity for other cultures and lands. My home sweet isles of Trinidad and Tobago, has fused all ethnic groups and has a rich heritage of dance,music, art, cuisine and festivals. This melting pot has made me realize how important it is to be able to treat all people with the respect they deserve, without letting prejudices or stereotypes get in the way of my actions.

The highlight of our year is Carnival; an ultimate two day explosion of colour and drama, which showcase the rich artistic and cultural expressions of the island. Carnival attracts x million /thousand visitors each year, affording me the opportunity to make friends from all over the world and imbuing me with a desire to travel and experience other cultures. I have had the opportunity to learn and coexist with people from disparate backgrounds and I believe it is a person's culture that defines who they are.

I am immensely proud of being a Trinidadian and I look forward to not only sharing my qualities and ways with others, but to also learn from new diverse experiences that I will encounter in the future.

2. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

I am confident that I will actively absorb all available knowledge, forge friendships and be able to contribute some of my " Caribbean Flavour " with my fellow UCF students . My cultural environment has influenced my personality and nature by providing me with a sunny outlook and curiosity for other cultures and lands.

^How has it given you a sunny outlook, as well as a supposed curiosity? I crossed out nature, because your sentence structure implies that your cultural environment has also influenced nature. I do not think that your cultural environment has affected how flowers photosynthesize, for example.

My home sweet isles of Trinidad and Tobago, has fused allmany ethnic groups and has a rich heritage of dance,music, art, cuisine and festivals. This melting pot has made me realize how important it is to be able to treat all people with the respect they deserve, without letting prejudices or stereotypes get in the way of my actions.

^Hmm, this is kind of an overplayed card. Perhaps, to make your essay more powreful, you should say how you came about to this realization. You can even expand, on the importance of this realization.

The highlight of our year is Carnival; an ultimate two day explosion of colour and drama, which showcase the rich artistic and cultural expressions of the island. Carnival attracts x million /thousand visitors each year, affording me the opportunity to make friends from all over the world and imbuing me with a desire to travel and experience other cultures. .

^Whilst most of this is fascinating, I was far from interested in reading it because it does not address the question at hand. The question is asking you about your qualities and unique characteristics that can be contributed to the UCF Campus. Readers, particularly the Admissions Committee, when reading this essay, will disapprove of having to read about the carnival and how much you enjoy the experiences that accompany it, since you have deviated from the topic at hand and you are failing to answer the question.

I have had the opportunity to learn and coexist with people from disparate backgrounds and I believe it is a person's culture that defines who they are.

I am immensely proud of being a Trinidadian and I look forward to not only sharing my qualities and ways with others, but to also learn from new diverse experiences that I will encounter in the future

^A person's moral values also defines who they are. Whilst this may be influenced by culture, it is important to realize that this is not necessarily from ethnic culture.

-It is great to see you proud of your heritage, and I see that you mention what you plan on contributing. However, what are your 'qualities'? How do you plan on sharing your 'ways'? In regards to the concluding sentence, if you really want to stick that in there, then I suggest saying how wanting to learn is a quality of yours, rather than just saying something like 'I want to learn.'

Either cut the first sentence or move it to the conclusion.

Again I must say thanks again for all your help.
Here's a fresh go at question No.2. I hope i answered the question this time around.

2. How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?

My environment is an assemblage of various cultures, which has shaped the type of person that I am today. My home sweet isles of Trinidad and Tobago, has many ethnic groups and a rich heritage of dance, music, art, cuisine and festivals. This melting pot has made me realize how important it is to be able to treat all people with the respect they deserve, without letting prejudices or stereotypes get in the way of my actions. There are many skills and qualities that I apply to my life today and carry throughout my whole existence, that were primarily built at home and school.

I received such values as patience, confidence and respect, as well as various skills from my parents and teachers throughout my adolescence and this knowledge has made me stronger in mind and body, a better critical thinker, purpose driven, sociable and a hard worker. Most importantly, it has made me reach all the goals that I had set in mind, making me want more.

Becoming a Forensic Scientist has always been my dream and I began with small steps to help prepare myself, starting with studying Science Subjects in High School, then advancing to complete an Associate Degree in Information Technology and presently I am getting familiar with Medical Procedures, equipment and jargon from my workplace (hospital).

I see a career in Forensic Science as a great challenge. It is a field that is ever changing and advancing with new technology; and I am dedicated to apply myself as an undergraduate to pursue this goal.

Can I please get a response on if my previous question was answered.
One other thing... this question was answered prior to the others that I submitted. Let me also know what you think about it ok. Thanks!

2. How has your family history, culture or environment, influence who you are?

"My cultural environment has influenced my personality and nature by providing me with a sunny outlook and a curiosity for other cultures and lands. The welcoming sweet isles of Trinidad and Tobago where I'm from, has fused all ethnic groups and has a rich inheritance of dance, music, art, cuisine and festivals. The melting pot that is Trinidad has made me realise how important it is to be able to treat all people with the respect that they deserve, without letting prejudices or stereotypes get in the way of my actions.

The highlight of our year is Carnival a two day explosion of colour and drama, the ultimate showcase for the rich artistic and cultural expressions of the island. Carnival attracts x million /thousand visitors each year affording me the opportunity to make friends from all over the world and imbuing me with a desire to travel and experience other cultures. I have had the opportunity to learn from and coexist with people from disparate backgrounds and believe it is a person's culture that defines who they are.

I am immensely proud of where I'm from and the culture of Trinidadians and look forward to not only sharing my qualities and ways, but also learning from new diverse experiences that I will encounter in the future."

Response needed ASAP please! My deadline is approaching...

Huh? Only you know if your own question was adequately answered. Or are you asking something else?


"Isles" is plural; "has" is singular. Also, you need a comma after "Tobago."


It can't possibly be million. Find out the number. Also, add a comma after "year."

I had made some points earlier, but I see that you failed to implement them. I am not saying you have to, but you did not even give a reason as to why you seemingly ignored my advice. (This is regards to your second post)

*I do not see why you posted two different essays, that aim to respond to one question.


^If youve already submitted your essays, what is the point of getting feedback on it now?

You misunderstood.My essays have not been submitted to UCF as yet.
What I meant by "submitted" was that I posted another answer to the same question I answered. (This answer has nothing to do with my initial attempt at answering.) I just wanted to know which of the two answers is more suitable to "make corrections to" and eventually submit to the University. ( The 1st or 2nd answer?)

Minus a few grammatical & spelling errors, which I know I probably have in both, which of the two do you think I should stick with?

That's the opinion I want from you.

^Yes I did, because you were not clear.

There really is not that much of a difference between the two.
The differences I noted was that in one, you make claims about some aspects of your personality even though you have not included anything to prove if you are that type of a person, and in the other essay, you discuss the carnival

Right now, its up to you to decide whichever one you think is stronger. In my opinion, both are equally weak.