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"An Ignored Voice"; The power went out



bunnybunsss 4 / 11  
Sep 7, 2012   #1
The power went out. My cousin Jocelyn frantically yelled, "Someone's going to throw a bomb through this window!" It was already midnight, and we were still home alone while our aunt was at work. The thunderstorm got the better of us, but mostly my cousin. Dramatically, Jocelyn screamed, "We have to get out of here!" I, both afraid yet still logical, replied, "Wait! Maybe we can just run upstairs and hide under the blankets," but apparently, I was talking nonsense. "Do you want to die?! I'm going outside for help. You can stay here all by yourself," she said, almost testing me. Although I knew it was a bad idea to go sprinting in the streets, in the dead of night during a lightening storm, the fear of being alone consumed my better judgment. Jocelyn and I ended up at a neighbor's condo, which was just three doors down from us. After about half an hour, our aunt picked us up. As we stood in our now-lit living room with our Taco Bell dinner, the both of us were scolded to shame. After eating in silence, we heavily walked upstairs to bed. Meanwhile, I weakly muttered to my cousin, "I told you so." Offended, she loudly whispered to me, "Shut up!"

I was only nine years old, while my cousin was eleven. Even now, I remember the frustration I had towards her. I thought, "Why can't she just listen to me for once?!" However, I realized that I was at fault just as much as her. Maybe if I had more faith in myself and my decision, I could have stopped us from endangering our lives. Jocelyn never took me serious because I was younger than her, and in the end, I didn't take myself serious either.

Growing up, I slowly redefined myself; I discovered who I was, what I believed in, and what I stood for. Afterwards, I was able to distinguish myself from others. It's very easy to forget about ourselves through the negative influences of others, and when we do, the decipherment we've built up for ourselves, falls apart. Looking back, I know that if I had the self-confidence I now have back then, our night would've been calmer like the end of the storm.

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This is my essay for topic C in APPLYTEXAS.

There may be personal information you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.

Jennyflower81 - / 674  
Sep 10, 2012   #2
In your final sentences, you explain the purpose for writing the story. This explanation is your way of answering the prompt question. I would expand on these two ideas: You got to know yourself better, and you grew more confident. These are two life lessons that will carry you forward into the future, and they will help you reach your goals with ease. Focus on your final paragraph and continue to smoothly explain how your experience has helped you define yourself as a person. I think that with a little more substance in your last paragraph, you will have completely answered the prompt. Good luck in school :)
OP bunnybunsss 4 / 11  
Sep 15, 2012   #3
Thank you Jennifer! :)


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