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Imagination - lazing around or dozing off at my grandmother's home



jacko1985 2 / 4  
Jan 7, 2015   #1
full prompt: Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?

ok here's the thing: i've tried to add something new to this essay so it might need a bit more work. your comments are certainly welcome.

it would also be nice if you guys could read the essay before helping me with the questions i have posted below. cheers!

I have always spent my school holidays at my grandmother's home, left to my own devices and imagination but most of the time I was lazing around or dozing off. [...]

after review:

The place in which I feel most content is my imagination. In the worlds and homes that I create, I am in complete control of the events that happen and from this sense of assurance, I develop and maximize my confidence in real life, allowing me to achieve feats I was never able to in the past. In the words of the poet William Ernest Henley, "I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul".

As a child I was never very confident of myself. Being branded by my parents as the least adorable one out of all my cousins (albeit jokingly) compounded the development of my self-confidence, which eventually undermined my confidence in making friends and deliver public speeches. If I had to pick one incident to illustrate this, it would be when a teacher in school called me a kookaburra (referencing the Australian nursery rhyme), sitting alone on his old gum tree, laughing occasionally. The moniker caught on and for the rest of my primary school life, I was referred to as a lonely kookaburra - not the best environment for contentment to be found.

Confronted by this predicament I began to keep to myself voluntarily and also due to my poor ability to make friends, maintaining a few close friends throughout secondary school. While these friends undoubtedly bring me joyful moments, I was in search of a better environment which could provide me with belief and confidence, one where I could determine how events unfolded rather than be subjected to the crass comments of others. Left to my own devices, the bulk of my time was thus spent seeking solace within my own imagination.

However, it was the day which I was due to give a presentation in front of my class which reignited the development of my self-confidence. In my imaginary environment, I saw an grand auditorium full of people dressed nicely in suits and evening gowns and as I strutted on to the stage, I was greeted with ecstatic cheers and deafening applause befitting a celebrity. Thereafter and still within my imaginary environment, I delivered my presentation with great aplomb, receiving a rapturous standing ovation at the end of it. As I waltzed my way back to seat, I received congratulatory pats on my back and countless handshakes. Alas, I snapped out of my imagination. How I'd love to experience that in real life though!

It was then that I, buoyed by strength derived from my imagination, decided to throw all caution to the wind and attempt to regain my self-confidence. While the reception to my presentation was nowhere as grand as I had initially imagined, I nonetheless felt perfectly content as I realized that my imagination was an endless oasis of strength amidst my daily struggles in real life.

With my fear of public speaking confronted, the next step was to make friends confidently. Again, my imagination took control, creating an environment where I conversed with a stranger suavely on a long train ride. I initiated the conversation with a sweet compliment on her impeccable dressing and we talked for the entire ride, not a moment without words or laughter. How I'd love to experience that in real life! The power I drew from my imagination thus translated into real life, enabling me to become a more self-assured, less self-conscious person.

My imaginary environment was like a shapeshifter at my will, able to conjure up different scenarios from which I could derive the required attribute. There I am in control since sensory and environmental details can be altered unlike in real life, and that is why I am most perfectly content. There, I am no longer the lonely kookaburra. Gay my life must be!

SHAIMA_A7MD 1 / 5  
Jan 7, 2015   #2
what i think you should do is first describe the place before saying which place , you should let the reader imagne the place and fantasize about it.
vangiespen - / 4077  
Jan 7, 2015   #3
While it is alright for you to describe an abstract place in this type of essay, it must be based upon an actual truth on your part. The essay is asking you reveal a part of your personality through the prompt. So suddenly telling the admissions officer at the end of it all that you just made up the information will not work in your favor. Mostly because you did not properly address the prompt and you obviously did not take the requirement seriously. My advice is this, tell the reader at the start that the place or environment you feel most comfortable in is your imagination. Then explain why it is that way for you. By telling the truth from the start, you will have used an abstract idea to respond properly to the prompt. From this abstract response, you can then use the stories about your grandmother's house, the concert, and other activities that take place in your mind which results in a clear sense of contentment for you. Remember, it is not good to save the truth for the end, that may work negatively towards your application. Yet, by revising the way that you wrote the paper, you just might be able to use the abstract idea of your imagination as the place where you feel most content to your benefit. Give it a try, revise the essay. I am sure you will sense the difference in the way it may be received by the admissions officer.
OP jacko1985 2 / 4  
Jan 13, 2015   #4
hi @vangiespen, sorry for the long period of absence. i have read your comments and they make a lot of sense. i have attempted a second draft and it would be nice if you could take another look at it.

is there anything to improve on and have i sufficiently described the abstract environment?
thanks for your comments in advance!


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