Hello, everyone! It's my first time writing an essay like this. Am I dragging it out too much? Or am I on the right track? Please be as harsh as possible! Thanks!
College of Agriculture and Life Sciences:
How have your interests and related experiences influenced your selection of major?
Growing up as a young boy in Hong Kong, I had always set my eyes on joining the ranks of the businessmen I saw on the streets and in the skyscrapers around me. But at the same time, I was dazzled by the different paths I could take. Should I become an accountant because I love numbers? Or should I become an analyst because I enjoy problem solving? I could not give myself an answer because I did not know what exactly would be the best fit for me. These questions floated around in my mind until I joined the community of foreign entertainment as a translator.
I was exposed to and became involved with even more foreign media than I could imagine after becoming a translator. Before realizing it myself, these media had become a definite part of my life. I camped the websites of mother companies overseas and localization companies within the States, hoping to a first glimpse of information on new releases to help me make decisions on purchases. However, localization companies began disappearing slowly, such as the collapses of Geneon USA in 2007 and Bandai Visual in 2008. On the other hand, their mother companies were still flourishing. As a result, the number of localized materials and the time taken for them to be released have decreased and increased respectively. That did not only catch my eye but also made me worry. Without the localizations, a subculture will be driven to extinction because people simply would not have the patience to pursue something that is not there. Out of curiosity, I decided to investigate what led to the downfalls of the two distributing giants. I knew it was not because no one wanted to buy it because the market for these overseas media, especially localized, is huge. I was stunned by what I found. Even an amateur to business like me could tell what was wrong right away. The marketing strategies of these two companies were downright terrible. Seriously, who in their right minds will buy two twenty-four minute episodes in a single DVD for fifty dollars each? To make matters worse, the period between releases were up to a few months! I was not as much surprised of the outcome of these companies as I was enraged. How could these big companies make such silly mistakes? My feeling of injustice fueled my passion of taking things into my own hands.
I was more determined than ever to become a businessman, but with a clear goal this time - to start my own localization company. I would like to attend Cornell's College of Agriculture and Life Sciences and major in Applied Economics and Management. The range of breadth this program offers amazes me, but I would like to specialize in entrepreneurship while taking a heavy amount of classes in marketing. My goal is not only just to start my own localization company, but also to use the skills I have learned through school to promote it to success so it could benefit and spread the subculture, of which I have been doing partially as a translator. I am sure the AEM program will offer me the opportunities and resources to success on the path I wish to take.
first, thank you for reading my essay!
as for your essay, it may be just me but i think you should mention what college you want more in the beginning rather than at the very end and explain more about it and what you want to do in the program.
hope i helped! (=
Growing up as a young boy in Hong Kong, I had always set my eyes on joining the ranks of the businessmen I saw on the streets, entering and exiting the skyscrapers around me.
You should add one sentence to the end of the first para to make the reader understand exactly what you decided to do.
You should change the first sentence of para #2 so that it becomes a topic sentence that conveys the main idea of the first half of the paragraph.
you should start a new paragraph at: Out of curiosity, I ...
:-)
good luck!!!!!
