The importance of expression - FIT Admissions Essay for Fashion Business Management

Please help! I need critic on my admissions essay, but I do not know if it's strong enough or if i should take out/ add in stuff.

The first questions asks "why are you the perfect candidate to FIT". The second is why I chose the major I chose.

The importance of expression

There's a beauty granted from being able to express ourselves, a sense of empowerment and liberation when we let ourselves exist outside of what is deemed as "acceptable". From a time where different schools and different personalities combined into an all-new experience, {Middle School}, new opinions, especially negative ones, had unfortunately been thrown into this mix as well. It became easy for me to understand what was "in" and what was "out" when it came to certain topics such as music and fashion. Having social anxiety at the time also led to my immense fear of judgment, which came about me feeling confined in the voices of others. Individuality instantly turned into a foreign topic, and as someone who wanted to blend into the crowd as much as possible, my ultimate sacrifice became self-expression.

It was then until eighth grade when my insecurity began to lessen after stepping into the world of fashion. From browsing outfit-related Pinterest boards and youtubers, my interests led me wanting to fulfill this sense of uniqueness that has been left in the dark for so long. While I was afraid to tap into this brand new part of me, I knew that if I only was influenced by the opinions of others, I would prolong the journey toward self-acceptance. Sooner than later, clothes became my new outlet for expression. Outfit after outfit, I could feel myself becoming more comfortable in my own skin, and not only did my fear of judgment begin to fade, but my true passion came to light.

Underneath its surface layer, I realized clothing is so much more than just its physical form, but rather the emotional fulfillment it can bring to its wearer. This led me to gain the ignition to create my own fashion brand, with the intention of helping others feel confident through the means of fashion. With that, I know I am the perfect candidate for FIT because I understand first-hand how fashion can influence our self-esteem, and I want to dedicate my future to helping every person discover this as well. I am confident in saying that FIT will help me transcend my dreams into a reality, while also shaping myself into an intelligent, career-focused woman ready to step into the fashion industry.

What led me to becoming interested in Fashion Business Management was to fully understand the ins and outs of the Fashion Industry. If I want to make my dream into a reality, I know it is critical for me to gain as much knowledge as I can to prepare myself for the future. Even though these past few months, I have dedicated myself toward researching topics regarding business, this does not compare to the knowledge I know I will gain at FIT. Taking classes and learning fashion business directly from industry-savvy professionals will help me immensely with where I have to be.

I have also gained lots of retail experience from my first and current job at Nordstrom. Starting out as a customer service representative at 16, led to being an amazing opportunity for me to learn and grow as a person. Not only has Nordstrom shaped me into becoming more confident and ambitious in my everyday life, but it has also been an inspiration to my future brand as well. The company prides itself in putting its shoppers first, so with that, there's a reason why long-time shoppers speak so highly of the department store. The customer's high regard with Nordstrom coincides with Nordstrom's high regard for the customer, and creates a general connection with the consumer. I want my customers to see my brand less than just a clothing store, but rather a store they can trust, rely on, and keep coming back to. Customer loyalty is extremely important to a business, so not only do I want my future shoppers to feel confident in themselves from wearing my clothes, but I also want to learn about how to shape my brand so they can keep coming back to feel this way.

As of recently, I picture that one day my brand will fulfill the goal of invoking confidence and power towards its wearer, as well as being a reputable, world-renowned company. While I know it won't be easy, I know that my future at FIT will be the next big step toward conquering what I want to achieve, and I am more than ecstatic to begin my education with a school that promises excellence, in a city full of opportunity.

The perfect FIT candidate does not only have the heart for fashion and business. He does not only have the intention to own a well received fashion brand in the future. The perfect candidate should have well started on the road to success even before applying to FIT. He must show a grassroots development of this interest in Fashion Business Management that the school can cultivate and hone to perfection. His personal experience must be the driving force that led him to discover his passion for fashion, which he then used to better himself and the people around him. These are some of the characteristics that a FIT candidate should embody. These are the traits that need to be better presented in this essay.

Yes, this is a personal statement. Therefore you are allowed to express yourself in the manner you feel most comfortable doing so. However, there needs to be a sense of accomplishment in the personal aspect that would help the screener understand the motivation for the major. There is a disconnection between the 2 discussion points.

Aside from working at Nordstrom, I do not see any strong indicator that you have made strides in terms of creating the foundation for your business. Your competitors would have done that and would have included it in their personal statement. I hope that you can achieve the same in the revised version of your presentation. I do not want to know how you view Nordstrom. I want to know how it influenced your brand or your vision of it. Do not explain to me about a company you will not be working for in the future. Explain to me how you have started preparing for that future vision of yourself as a fashion business owner this early in your quest for success.That is how you explain why you are a perfect candidate and why you chose your major.