Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 6


UC PROMPT 2.- Important experience.



gynn92 3 / 28  
Nov 28, 2009   #1
Hi Guys =) I wrote about the experience that is important to me. How does it relate to the person you are? Am I on topic? How could I make it better? Thanks so much =)

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------
All kinds of thoughts ran through my head as I anxiously waited for the airplane to land. What if people do not understand me? What about racism? I tried to bottle up the anticipation and put it aside; however, I felt like Alice in Wonderland entering into a new dimension. Although my family assured me that I would fit in to America, I had tremendous doubts.

I began attending schools and adjusting to the new language. I was easily able to adapt to the American school curriculums that taught students to think creatively and openly for themselves. It was a new experience for me as I have learned to follow strictly from the teacher's instructions. However, the cultural barriers never slipped away in my mind. Why did Americans tip after eating at a restaurant? Why did they pay individually when they ate with a group? Thus, when my parents decided to spend the summer in Korea, I was overjoyed and thrilled.

A few weeks later, at Incheon International Airport, I felt the rush of comfort and a deep sense of relief. When I saw one of the elders had dropped his book, I ran to pick it up. Excited for what I have done, I greeted the elders and handed him his book. However, my elated state of mind soon subsided when the elders walked away, criticizing my demeanor of delivering the book with one hand. I had forgotten the Korean etiquette to use two hands to show respect for the elders. I tried to ignore it, but my sense of discomfort grew as I spent more days in Korea. My cousins had to get a haircut, as the Korean schools required all the students' hair to be cut to a proper length. Also, they could not wear any make-up or earrings. Because I only had gone to an elementary school in Korea, I was not cognizant of these stringent school rules. I thought of the independence given to American students and the usual American's courtesy in passing objects with one hand to the elders. Suddenly, these American customs now appeared rational to me. It was evident that aspects of American culture had been embedded in me.

Why had I not considered the admirable traits of America sooner? It was not the culture that had prevented me from adjusting; it was actually my unwillingness to look beyond my limitations. Although the differences were overwhelming and challenging to overcome, it helped me to become adaptable to changes. Now that I am capable of observing from the vantage point of two discrete, unique cultures, I have perspectives that others do not have. I will continue to seek out discrepancies between the two cultures and embrace them. After all, we are so different, yet the same.

happyhours 2 / 8  
Nov 28, 2009   #2
We indeed have a similar topic haha. your essay looks good so far! Nice contrast between Korean and American cultures. However,. I think it would be more appealing if you write more about yourself . Thanks for commenting mine :)Good luck!
jampamz 6 / 32  
Nov 28, 2009   #3
It's really good. I especially like the part when you question Americans' strange customs. However, this essay kind of makes you seem like you're a loner who can't fit in with Americans (which is a problem, since you're applying to UC's)

"As years passed by, my feelings of alienation grew. I was homesick. I could not see myself adjusting to a culture that I could not comprehend."

And at the end you realize you don't fit in with Koreans, either. So you don't fit in anywhere. You travelled to Korea because you felt alienated, so it doesn't make sense to say "These American customs now appeared rational to me. It was evident that aspects of American culture had been embedded in me."

Idk, that's just what I thought right after reading it. Take it for what it's worth.
ScatterBrain 3 / 28  
Nov 28, 2009   #4
Really good. It shows that yo have grown from your initial awkwardness with American Culture.
I would suggest that you elaborate more on how you came you adopted American customs. You sort of jumped from feeling alienable to accepting of American culture. Ease the transition. And good luck on your apps :)
sbdaiquiri 8 / 21  
Nov 28, 2009   #5
I think your essay shows that you are perceptive and reflective. Nicely done!
Maybe you can elaborate on how you began to embrace American culture after your revelation?
lilgangwolf 5 / 13  
Nov 28, 2009   #6
say u are from korean in the first paragraph.
i like the contrast, and your concept
but you need to write more about what you got from this overall experience.
so far , you only have that last paragraph


Home / Undergraduate / UC PROMPT 2.- Important experience.
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳