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An important issue essay (UT), from Korean point of view


grandialove 1 / 2  
Jan 18, 2009   #1
Prompt - Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

Many individuals have had a big impact on society like Bill Gates and Donald Trump. In modern society, people are learning that Teamwork is an even more powerful way of solving problems and getting results. Nowadays most organizations assign team projects to geach group, instead of to individuals. In a team, the members divide the work and cooperate with each other. Good teamwork is fundamental in schools, sports, and all kinds of communities. Like the beautiful harmonies in an orchestra, teamwork puts together all the members to achieve success. Team members know that 'None of us is as smart as all of us.'- Ken Blanchard.

The school system in the United States uses teamwork in a great way to help students be involved in their studies and learn by doing. This was new to me. I grew up in Korea, and during my school years I was expected to listen to the teacher, do my homework by myself, and memorize the material for tests. Team projects were rarely assigned to students, so I didn`t have the opportunity to learn from other students. On the other hand, in the classes in Houston Community College I was assigned many team presentations and research papers. While engaging actively in team projects to find information and prepare for the assignments, I became more interested in the subject and was excited to participate in the class. Through collaboration with my classmates, teamwork taught me how to learn and work, and it led me to have a much better GPA in the United States than in Korea.

Teamwork plays a dramatic role in sports. In Korea we saw that during the 2002 World Cup. None of the Korean players was as good as the players of Spain, Italy, and Portugal, but the Koreans had become great team players and beat teams who were expected to win the World Cup. Before 2002, Korea went to the World Cup five consecutive times but had never won even one game. But then they learned to play together as a team and dramatically made it all the way to the semi-finals. From that, I realized that good teamwork enables a team to achieve even more than they expected. Team work can bring out one`s own and the group`s potential ability.

In my time spent as a member of the Korean Army, I realized that teamwork has a very positive effect on the achievements of a community. In the Korean Army, the sixty members of my company and I were assigned to sweep woods and weeds within ten meters from the post of an ammunition depot. The post was located on a steep mountain, and it measured twelve kilometers in circumference. We had only three hover mowers and were expected to finish the mission within five days. Worst of all, it was summer. The temperature was the highest it had been in the last one hundred years in Korea. Every member of my company thought that it was impossible to finish in five days under these conditions. However, our company was well-trained and had fine teamwork. We woke up earlier than regularly scheduled and worked very hard together and finally completed the mission within three days. At that time, I learned that teamwork plays a vital role in achieving goals. Teamwork can make a seemingly impossible thing possible.

Teamwork is a simple, but very powerful tool of solving problems and getting results. How does it get its power? In Japan, there is a high-speed railway system called the Shinkansen. A train on this system can easily go up steep hills because Shinkasen has an engine in each vehicle, whereas normally a locomotive pulls the train. In this way, every wagon has power and energy to add to the train. Similarly, the energy and input of every member in a team melds into a synergy to make the whole of the teamwork more than its parts. At this time, problems like global warming and the global financial crisis face every nation in the world, but no single nation can solve them by themselves. If human beings want to prosper on this earth, they must stop being selfish and learn to work together as a team.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 18, 2009   #2
I would strengthen the opening, like this:

Many individuals have had a big impact on society like Bill Gates and Donald Trump. In modern society, people are learning that Teamwork is aan even more powerful way of solving problems and getting results, and leadership is the process that directs teamwork . Nowadays most organization assigns team projects to each group, instead of to individuals. While working in a team, the members divide the work and cooperate with each other. Good teamwork is fundamental in schools, sports, and all kinds of communities. Like the beautiful harmonies in an orchestra, teamwork ...

I like your continuous focus on teamwork, within organizations and even globally. You should add a sentence to the first paragraph to tell the reader that you will be writing about teamwork as a universal principles -- in an organization, in the Army, and among nations. Great topic!!
onindo 5 / 20  
Jan 18, 2009   #3
Team members know that 'None of us is as smart as all of us.'- Ken Blanchard

the proper way to write this line is-

as Ken Blanchard once said 'None of us is as smart as all of us'.

This essay seemed a bit journalistic. But it is well written. I always say that its better to write something about yourself.

But hey, its your life it should be you who decides whats best for you
leej88 4 / 18  
Jan 19, 2009   #4
Isn't the UT deadline for its essays already up?
OP grandialove 1 / 2  
Jan 19, 2009   #5
Thank you for your advice.
Acutally it was a first draft. I finished my essay again.
Plese leave some good advice for it and tell me my essay covers the promt appropriately.

Leadership is a very important concept in the West. Some individuals, like Bill Gates and Donald Trump, have had a big impact on society. But people are learning that teamwork is an even more powerful way of solving problems and getting results. Nowadays most organizations assign team projects to groups instead of relying on individuals to achieve results. In a team, the members divide the work and cooperate with each other. Good teamwork is fundamental in schools, sports, and all kinds of communities. Like the beautiful harmonies in an orchestra, teamwork puts together all the members to achieve success. Team members know what Ken Blanchard means when he said, "None of us is as smart as all of us."

The school system in the United States uses teamwork in a great way to help students be involved in their studies and learn by doing. [...]

READ ABOVE FOR THE NEXT PART
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 19, 2009   #6
But people are learning that teamwork is an even more powerful way of solving problems and getting results.
Generally, it isn't correct to begin a sentence with a conjunction. (and, but, or)

Team members know what Ken Blanchard meant when he said, "None of us is as smart as all of us."

Teamwork can make a seemingly impossible situation possible.

Teamwork is a simple, but very powerful tool for solving problems and getting results.

This is a great essay and the last sentence is awesome!

:)
OP grandialove 1 / 2  
Jan 20, 2009   #7
Thank you very much,Mr. Kevin.


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