any feedback would be greatly appreciated and i am willing to return the favor!! :)
Prompt: What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
I have felt inclined towards science my whole life. Only recently however has my focus been narrowed to sustainable agriculture and my purpose become clear.
As a young child my love of the natural world and passion for science began. Zoology, botany, geology, astronomy; I loved them all. My passion was further reinforced by my involvement with the Boy Scouts of America. After years of camping and backpacking trips throughout California and New Mexico's wildernesses, I grew more comfortable in the outdoors than inside.
After high school however, I was unable to connect my love of science with a career path. For a long while I remained directionless and hopeless and my academics suffered greatly. I took many introduction courses hoping I would find something that would give me a desire to pursue but for a long while I searched in vain. Out of curiosity I took my first environmental studies class with the aptly named Professor Green, and I instantly knew I had found my calling. I moved home and transformed my life.
I began with myself. I saw how my consumption patterns weren't promoting my newfound ideals and quickly reconciled this. I began using my bicycle as my primary mode of transportation. I took up gardening as a hobby in order to further lessen my footprint on the Earth. I built a compost bin and used this to create an organic garden. I grew many plants: tomatoes, pumpkin, cucumber, chilies, carrots, peas, and various herbs. My family and I enjoyed the harvests for many months.
My environmentalism spilled over onto my family and transformed them as well, but I realized that if I were to see any significant change in our society there would need to be changes on the national and global scale to coincide with personal and local changes. My changes were in the right direction, but I was concentrating my efforts on too small of a scale. My experience growing my own food over the last year has led me to focus my broad interest in Environmental Studies to the field of sustainable agriculture. I hope to contribute to an economically viable, sustainable solution to the problems facing our food industry in order to improve the world for future generations.
Here is a way t sharpen up the intro:
I have felt inclined towards science throughout my whole life.
And you need to use commas when howeve is in the middle of a sentence like this: Only recently, however, has my focus been narrowed to sustainable agriculture and my purpose become clear.
Here is a place whre you should use a dash instead of a semi-colon:
Zoology, botany, geology, astronomy -- I loved them all.
Here is a place where a semi-colon would be good:
I began with myself; I saw how my consumption patterns weren't promoting my newfound ideals and quickly reconciled this. -----> the semi-colon is good here, because those two sentences are so closely related.
