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"Indefinite Growth" - Texas A&M - My Answer to Essay B



almacubana 5 / 19  
Jan 7, 2010   #1
Question:
Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.


"Indefinite Growth"

A movie rolls in my head. I have become the director, and I see vivid colors engulfing me while imagined sounds provide special effects. Each scene transforms with a never-ending list of characters, continually changing, from a beautiful Japanese geisha to a haunting German ghost, from a brave blue dragon to a vicious, power-hungry vampire, from an enchanted portal to a deadly spell. Books open doorways to fantastic, action-packed or romantic worlds that can easily come to life by turning a few pages.

My very real neighborhood, however, provides shelter for low-income inhabitants, including recently arrived refugees from countries all over the world, but mainly from Africa and South America. Walking from the yellow school bus to my apartment, I see children everywhere. Cubans or Somalians, Bosnians or Angolans, they have grouped together, bonding while playing, and friendships have formed. Seeing them running around and listening to them playing loudly until late hours of the night, generally without much adult supervision, is a common and somewhat disturbing event.

Because a two-bedroom apartment somehow accommodates three to four families, many of the kids outside live in just one household. Children are particularly active, and these go to extreme measures to stay out of their apartments, often going all the way to the very end of the complex to "hang out." Is it because they feel too cramped inside? Do they need space to clear their heads? Most of them are in elementary and middle school. English is not their first language, but it is no secret that reading increases vocabulary, improves and maintains spelling and develops comprehension skills. Reading boosts analytical thinking, and the grey cells of the brain increase when children must deal with topics, ideas and words that are unknown and completely unfamiliar. I wish there were a program in my neighborhood that would encourage all of these children to participate in reading activities. Language in children's books is likely to be more sophisticated than the average, everyday conversations they have with their friends. By nature, kids are curious, and books can provide stimulation for their probing minds, which is vital to their success in life.

Reading books brings me a great deal of pleasure. I can sit for hours reading novels, poems and short stories; I never get tired of it. If the other immigrant children in my neighborhood were to become interested in reading, they might avoid the addictions of television, video games and violent films, which are so dangerous to their development. The more these kids read, the more valuable information they will absorb, and the more knowledge they will gain. I wish I could invite them in so they too could inhabit the worlds I have come to love through reading. By these means perhaps I could save them from the mean, dangerous streets of my neighborhood and give them a chance to enjoy the same rich literary movies that roll in my head.

First impressions? Comments and suggestions? Grammatical errors, etc

Liebe 1 / 524  
Jan 8, 2010   #2
Well, first impression is that the read itself is quite boring.
Also, is just 'reading a book' an issue of importance to you?
coreync 2 / 3  
Jan 8, 2010   #3
I think it is pretty good writing but the way it is written is not like an addmissions essay. The point of an admissions letter is to learn more about you. You state your enviroment but little about how it effects you and made you the person you are. You say you "wish" the children could read but what I think would be a better approach is to state that they "need" to read and how it will effect not only their future but the world around them.

It's a good first draft and I like your descriptive language but it just needs more work to be an admssions essay.
KingFire 1 / 12  
Jan 8, 2010   #4
The language is great, but I can't see anything about your personality there.

It's a good start and could be improved into a great application essay.

P.S: Can you check my own essay on Texas A&M?
glimmering 1 / 14  
Jan 8, 2010   #5
Good start but I think the essay needs coherence between the first two paragraphs.

First impression makes me feel like you are trying to explain why do you want to be a movie director.


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