Indicate how you first became interested in SLU

_ In which state are you going to study next year?
_ Whichever gives me enough money, I'll go. I replied in a little humorous but honest manner.

Yep, living in a middle-class family of a poor country, I don't have the opportunity to choose schools based on the location, the size, the athletic facilities and even the quality of the food or the beauty of the campus. Interestingly, it made my job much easier than others. All I have to do are just looking at the ranking and then picking some top schools in which the SAT scores of the students are comparable to mine because I know that "top" schools offer "top" financial aid so that I have made a list of several schools. Among those stands out Saint Lawrence University because of its academic programs and its athletics.

The study abroad programs are what I like the best of SLU's widely recognized academic. Here, I can have the chance to study in different countries to study another language and expand my hands-on experience. Upon entering Saint Lawrence University, I intend to major in Economics. Therefore, China is the one that I am willing to study my China's economic reforms course at because it has a similar economic trend with my country.

What makes SLU even more appealing to me is the 20th rank in the national campus athletic facilities. At SLU, I hope to continue my passion for soccer by playing in the varsity and compete with other teams in the Division III soccer. Moreover, I would be very happy to work with Head Coach Bob Durocher who was nothing new for the Coach of the Year honors. Consequently, I am looking forward to become a part of the varsity soccer with full confidence.

deadline 2/1
i need ur help!!!!!!

don't use "yep" ?

thanks, any other mistake?

well i don't think you should explicitly say you chose this university because of its ranks. It is pretty much saying - hey i don't know much about you other than your ranking. Thats why i chose it!

Also, study abroad programs? Pretty much every top universities in america offers this. Its nothing special.

In addition, the way you structured your sentences is not very well done sometimes

Upon entering Saint Lawrence University, I intend to major in Economics. Therefore, China is the one

therefore is usually used when you're supporting something for example. But here the use of therefore is not correct at all. How is it so that you intend to major in economics yet somehow China becomes involved with your major of choice?

that I am willing to study my China's economic reforms course at because it has a similar economic trend with my country.

this also has problems. China's economic reforms course is not yours but rather, this sentence should be structured more like, I would like to study economics, specifically relating to china's economic reforms because its trend is similar to that of my own country.

who was nothing new for the Coach of the Year honors

i don't understand this sentence

your essay also needs a conclusion

I know the deadline is approaching etc but this needs a lot of work. Your wording is too informal at times and the ideas of why you choose this university is too weak. Other than the division III soccer and the coach, you have not been specific enough.

But most importantly, I don't think basing your essay, saying straightforwardly that you choose this university because of the rankings is not going to get you anywhere.

Be more personal, really ask yourself why you want to go to this university. And be formal.

At the moment your attitude of "whatever gives me most money" is shown

good luck

Use quotation marks, like this:

"In which state are you going to study next year?" my guidance counselor aske d.
"Whichever gives me enough money," I replied honestly.

Yes , living in a middle-class family of a poor country, I don't...

Hey, I agree with Marcell about the need for a more meaningful reason... perhaps the great rank was what led you to research the school, and when you researched it you found... what did you find? Look at their website and see what great programs or resources make this the prfect school for you? I see that you soccer coach is someone who will be good to learn from, but is there anything else?

This really is a great essay, it kept me reading! It could use a conclusion sentence, though!