'I, as an individual, could make a difference'; GT-LEADERSHIP, PROGRESS AND SERVICE

The motto at Georgia Tech is leadership, progress and service. Describe how you have demonstrated this motto over the past three years.
(i don't really know how to end this essay)
(And I didn't talk about service as much cuz i particularly talked about my purdue utility project( build cars for cameroon, Africa)in my other essay)

(is my storyline clear enough??)
(Thank you so much for looking through my essay!!!!!)

Before College, I never actually put in as much work in school. Yet somehow I always get by with good grades. College is a completely different place. Something I never realized before is that at here, everyone is selected. So obviously, my study "method" never works anymore because even though people are smart, they work extremely hard because they have a goal or a dream that they want to achieve, while I didn't.

Soon, I got a C during my second semester. And I freaked out. I have never been average in my life and I hated it. I started putting more and more work into school.

I read through textbooks; I studied the notes; I do exercise questions. And I improve myself after tests. I put in work because I crave for excellence.

During the past two years in the US, I was exposed to more stories about women being underappreciated or uneducated than I have in my past 18 years. There are Cameroonian women who iron their breasts in order to not be raped, there is Malala who get shot because of her belief in female education, where there is also Yoyo Tu who proved herself to be just as intelligent, if not more by winning the first Nobel prize for China. This is when I realized, that I, as an individual, could make a difference. What I learn in university is just as useful with helping me making a difference. I love to learn even more and I know I have to understand everything in order to achieve my goal-building computers.

My understanding of leadership is just to motivate and influence people. I truly believe in what I do and I love doing it. In my Purdue Utility Platform team I build the maize grinder for our car designed for Cameroon. I know how great corn flour could be because my grandma would always tell me the stories when they didn't have anything else to eat, corn flour was the best thing in the world. Knowing what they are experiencing, I know they need help.

To be honest, this essay needs a lot of work. I don't feel like you are following the prompt very well and you often go on tangents. First you start off by saying that you had to focus on school, then switch to talking about stories about women, then briefly mention your goal of building computers, and finish with a sentence about corn flour. I am very confused, I suppose the sentences about you studying could be progress, but it is never explicitly stated. You never mention your leadership experience, and instead talk about women out of context, saying that it inspires you; but you never said what it inspired you to do. Also, you never mentioned what you have done to service your community, colleges want to hear about what kind of volunteer work you have done. I hope my tips have helped. Good luck!

Leadership, progress and service.

Prior to my study at college, I was trained to follow the instructions made by my teacher at school and my parents at home. I did not have any chance to make my own decisions in life. College in the U.S. is a completely different place for me. During my first semester at Purdue, I came to realize that my classmates are all highly competitive and independent. So obviously, my study "method" at high school would not work any longer. I observed that my classmates are not only smart, but they also work extremely hard for their dreams and goals that they want to achieve.

The first C I ever got in my life waked me up. I have never been average in my life. I started to think how to stand out in my class and what are my dreams and goals in life. I put myself totally into school work because I crave for excellence. With all my efforts, I finally got very good scores in most of my classes during the summer semester.

In the past two years in the U.S., I was also exposed to more stories about women being underappreciated or uneducated than I have been in my past 18 years. The women in Africa would iron their breasts to avoid being raped. Malala was shot because she believed in female education. Yoyo Tu proved herself to be just as intelligent, if not more, by winning the first Nobel Prize for China. This is the first time when I realized, that I, as an individual, could make a difference. I came to understand better about the leadership, which would definitely make me take initiatives to change the world and help others. Utilizing what I have learned at college will bring goodness to other people's life. I love to learn even more in order to achieve my goal-building low cost computers for the unprivileged people. My understanding of leadership is to motivate and influence people. I truly believe in what I do and I love doing it. The maize grinder I built in our car designed for Cameroon made me realize the knowledge and technology I have learned would help me offer the services to the needy people.

I revised it a little. I realized it is still not to closed to the topic and i probably didn't really mention progress. Also, I don't know where to put my leadership experience. I am a teaching assistant right now but besides that I don't have many.

Hi Ivy, your both essays lack the same thing, the motivation behind making computers. Here, the prompt asked you to demonstrate the qualities of last three years. Just think a little and you will come up with the ideas.Teaching assistant itself is the job of appreciation. Take the qualities one by one:

1. for progress, you can exemplify more how you excelled in studies from a student to teaching assistant.
2. For leadership, you build the maize grinder, you can explain it . Here comes both the service and leadership. How you initiated the process and what made you do that? Why you build it? You build it alone or with a team? Did you have the main role? Elaborate the qualities you already have, building a maize grinder and teaching assistant. The women you came across, did you took any step for them ? Any voluntary service? That will explain the service part. The prompt asked what you did so focus on that only. Don't lose hope, just write what you did and how you felt at that time and from where you got the motivation to do that.:) Feel free to ask any kind of help :)