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Leadership, service and progress - The motto of Georgia Tech.


lramad2 3 / 17 2  
Dec 18, 2015   #1
The motto at Georgia Tech is leadership, progress and service. Describe how you have demonstrated this motto over the past three years. (Limit :2000 characters (With space))

What's more satisfying than building something that can "think" and perform tasks on its own? To me that possibly is the ultimate satisfaction. To mold something from your own mind, almost like breathing purpose into an otherwise lifeless object. That is exactly what I've been doing over the past year, programming a hexacopter to be autonomous for The International Aerial Robotics Competition. I've been working with a team of engineers and hell/indeed, one could say that working with a team of diverse engineer majors provides an unparalleled learning atmosphere. Teamwork, communication, and new perspectives of reasoning are lessons that I've learnt through overcoming challenges in this environment. Apart from being one of my greatest experiences so far, the project has been the highlight of my progression into the field of computer science.

Upon joining an engineer based student organization, I've volunteered for multiple engineering outreach programs. My part of the service consists of directing crowds, transporting supplies and my favorite, presenting why engineering is an amazing choice and the mind-blowing feats one could achieve in this field.

Leading a group to victory is fulfilling, not solely because of said victory but rather because of your leading command. Taking the charge to lead a group of students at NASA's robotics camp was daunting; I had to be a team player, a listener and a problem solver. Safe to say I wasn't the perfect leader, but my forte was in knowing the strengths of each of my members and knowing how to work as a team. I succeeded in two things: being able to divide tasks based on strengths and making sure everyone, including me, met the requirements, thereby pushing the team to victory.

The past three years have been an embodiment of self-improvement. On joining GT I'd uphold the motto and strive towards pushing my limits in each of the three characteristics. I'd also choose to continue my work with robotics by joining the RoboJackets student organization.

Character count: 2015
Note: I'm not entirely sure if I can use "hell" in a college essay, so input on that would be greatly appreciated.

I'm looking for maybe a change in the beginning of the second paragraph, check for grammatical errors and transitions. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You!!
kerry2654 13 / 37 12  
Dec 18, 2015   #2
To me that possibility is the ultimate satisfaction.

That is exactly what I've been doing over the past year:programming a hexacopter to ...
I've been working with a team of engineers and hell/indeed- I don't understand this part, one could say that working ...

I think you could introduce what got you into engineering outreach programs -Upon joining an engineer based student organization, I've volunteered for multiple engineering outreach programs. My part of the service contribution consists of directing crowds, transporting supplies and my favorite, presenting why and what makes engineering is an amazing choice. and the mind-blowing feats one could achieve in this field.

Leading a group to victory is fulfilling , not solely because of said victory but rather because of your leading command.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Dec 18, 2015   #3
Logesh, it would be better if you did not use the word hell in the essay. It doesn't really add substance to the sentence that you wrote, neither does it progress the content of the essay. So, since you have a word limit, use the space for some other important word instead. It is just out of place in the essay.

As for the content, you managed to reflect leadership, progress and service in the essay in an impressive manner. Although, I am of the opinion that when it comes to the service part, you still have room to improve the paragraph. Don't just limit your service description in that part to what you did as a member of the group, think bigger. Think about what the engineering projects that you presented to the people in terms of service. For example, can the robot you built help to bring safe drinking water to remote areas? Can it deliver basic goods and supplies similar to the way advanced drones can? Maybe it offers a way of rescuing people in earthquake shattered areas? Think of how your inventions can be of actual service to a community or the world. That is the kind of immersion activity that will impress the reviewer.

The overall essay is strong, save for the part that I suggest you improve. There are grammatical errors and sentence problems that needs to be dealt with as well. However, I am suggesting that you make an important addition to your essay so I do not want to edit anything until you have done that. Adding the information could change the whole content and flow of the essay so it is best not to edit the problems right from the start.
OP lramad2 3 / 17 2  
Dec 18, 2015   #4
Hey,
The robots that I worked on were purely competitive and don't exactly serve to help the community. The most I've done in terms of service is speak about engineering and robotics and also helping students with robotic competitions.
OP lramad2 3 / 17 2  
Dec 18, 2015   #5
What's more satisfying than building something that can "think" and perform tasks on its own?
...

Character count: 2127

I'm going over the count though.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Dec 18, 2015   #6
Hey Logesh, then why don't you make your service sound like a service to the intellectual side of the community instead? Explain how your club goes to the "under serviced" communities to show them how a good education can lead the young minds towards inventions and innovations that can change the world in the future?

If you make your service sound inspirational, then the point of view of your act becomes positive with a strong impact, which is what we are going for here. The university is looking for students who can graduate from their university and become notable alumnus as future community or world leaders.

Your contribution does not need to be life altering or world changing. It just has to be a service that can serve as an inspiration to others in a world that seems to lack in inspirational characters at the moment. That is already a form of service in itself.
OP lramad2 3 / 17 2  
Dec 18, 2015   #7
Would this do as a replacement for the paragraph?

Through an engineering based student organization I've gotten the opportunity to inspire students in difficult communities to take up engineering and robotics. Showing them the feats of engineering, wonders of robotics and world changing innovations as the root of hard work are a few ways I've used to motivate future engineer majors.

Character count: 2028
TampaTutorEric - / 8 5  
Dec 18, 2015   #8
Logesh,
I think you need to work on transitions and consider making the examples follow the order of the prompt: Leadership, service, progress. Retell the story about the robotics competition to show an area of the project that you led. Use the outreach and speeches to others interested in a career in engineering as service. I get why progress is in the motto, but its a bit harder to weave into an admission essay. Perhaps show your progress toward electrical engineering. I love the examples you have. You have a good story.

Here's the way I would revise:

Have you ever thought about building something that could "think" and perform tasks on its own? That idea got me so excited I had to do it. Doing it made me feel like I was Doctor Frankenstein breathing life into a lifeless object. Tell the story as you did, but get to some part of the project that you led. Currently you stress teamwork, not leadership.

Then write a paragraph about service. Two years ago, I joined (name of student engineering organization). Although I did other work for the organization, I got the most satisfaction from speaking to middle school students about careers in engineering. Several times I spoke to classes at (place) and always felt proud to share my enthusiasm for the work engineers do. Be specific. Nobody cares that you directed people parking or delivered supplies. Give some specifics on the stuff that matters. Prove to them it happened in the last three years.

Then write a paragraph that says something like this: Progress should be in the motto of every school of engineering, but it presumes a lot for an engineering applicant (even a Georgia Tech applicant) to talk about how he or she has furthered human progress. I will say instead that I relish creating machines to think and perform tasks autonomously. Today, I do it because I want to win a competition and because it's fun. Someday, I hope to do it to solve significant problems and improve lives. In the meantime, I am proud to share my enthusiasm for engineering and to be an ambassador for a profession I anticipate joining. An ending like that comes back around to the image of creating autonomous machines that started the essay.
OP lramad2 3 / 17 2  
Dec 19, 2015   #9
Hey,
Progress is, out of the three, my greatest feat over the three years, so I focus strongly on that. The biggest step that I've taken in the aspect is not all the coding I've learnt but rather working with a diverse team and being able to communicate and put my ideas forward. Hence, I focused on teamwork. The previous essay prompt asks for my interest in Computer science and I shouldn't repeat my work and interest here as well.

I did change the service paragraph but I need to keep it really short as I'm already over the character limit. Hence I've chosen to refrain from the specifics as it'd take too much space.

I do like a few of your changes and will incorporate into my essay, keeping the limit in mind. A few of your changes do overlap or contradict with my previous essay so I need to remain mindful of such changes.

Overall great input. Thanks a lot !!
OP lramad2 3 / 17 2  
Dec 19, 2015   #10
So here's what I've got. Could you help me with the grammatical errors, sentence problems and anything else that you feel requires change?

What's more satisfying than building something that can "think" and perform tasks on its own? (...)
Character count:2142
TampaTutorEric - / 8 5  
Dec 19, 2015   #11
To me, that possibly is the ultimate satisfaction.To mold something from your own mind, almost like breathing purpose into an otherwise lifeless object. This previous sentence is a sentence fragment. It's not a complete sentence. I would take the sentence out.

I've been working with a team of engineers and indeed, one could say that working with a team of diverse engineer majors provides an unparalleled learning atmosphere. Apart from being one of my greatest experiences so far, the project has been the highlight of my progress into the field of computer science.

This opening is awkward because it repeats the part about working with the team. It could be more concise. It is vague because you make a claim without specifics. An unparalleled learning environment? How?

Write instead this: Competing gave me a unique opportunity to learn under pressure and apply classroom skills in a competitive arena. Solving the challenges that came up during competition required me to master new computer science skills. For instance, I learned Y to solve problem X.

Saying that the challenge was daunting is not good word choice. Look up daunting. It means challenging and intimidating. It makes you look weak. Just say it was challenging.

Teamwork, communication, and new perspectives of reasoning are lessons that I've learnt through overcoming challenges in this environment.

Teamwork and communication are not lessons. New perspectives of reasoning is not a lesson. Why not talk about skills you developed, instead of lessons you learned? In American English, I've learned.

Try something like this:
Competing in robotics sharpened my communication skills, honed my team management skills, and opened my mind to new methods of solving problems.

Apart from being one of my greatest experiences so far, the project has been the highlight of my progress into the field of computer science. The first part of this sentence isn't helping you. What specifically does it tell the reader that he or she does not know? You chose to expand on the experience in your essay, so they will assume it's a highlight and was great. Boil away the fat, and you are saying that the project pushed you deeper into computer science. That's the interesting part. Tell them how in one sentence.

Through an engineering based student organization I've gotten the opportunity to inspire students in difficult communities to take up engineering and robotics. Just say I have inspired students. Engineering-based is hyphenated. Why not just call it a service club or engineering club or whatever it is? What is an engineering-based student organization? Through Robotics Club, I inspired... What is a difficult community? Were the kids you talked to poor? Just say poor. Disadvantaged? Difficult is not the right word.

Safe to say I was not the perfect leader. Dude, you are selling yourself to one of the most selective schools in the US. What good does it do to tell them that? It's assumed you fell short of perfection. We all do. Don't draw attention to it. Leadership is in the motto, so the school values it. You won the competition, right? Just tell them that and they will assume you did something right.

Use plain words to tell the story about leadership. Here's your sentence: Leading a group to victory is fulfilling, not solely because of said victory but rather because of your leading command. Here's plain words to say the same thing: I really liked leading a team to victory in NASA's robotics completion. It felt good, not just to win, but also to know that I kept the team on track and kept them motivated. Make it easy for your reader to understand you point. Said victory, the aforementioned victory? The legalistic language obscures your meaning and puts distance between you and the reader.

Good luck!
OP lramad2 3 / 17 2  
Dec 20, 2015   #12
Hey, I made some changes as you said. I do prefer the old "Leading a group to victory is fulfilling, not solely because of said victory but rather because of your leading command." . I made a few changes to it but otherwise it more or less remains the same. I chose to do so because of the word limit and also because the other one basically provides an abstract of the paragraph.

Here's what I came out with:

What's more satisfying than building something that can "think" and perform tasks on its own? To me, the ability to create something, almost like breathing purpose into an otherwise lifeless object, is one of the most satisfying achievements. That is what I've been doing over the past year, programming an autonomous hexacopter for The International Aerial Robotics Competition. Working with a team of diverse engineer majors created a table of diverse ideas and coursework, thereby providing me with an unparalleled learning atmosphere. Competing in robotics sharpened my communication skills, honed my team management skills, and opened my mind to new methods of solving problems. This project has been the highlight of my progression into the field of computer science.

Working with student organizations, EDT and SHPE, to inspire students in underprivileged communities to take up engineering and robotics is something that I've proudly taken part in. Showing them feats of engineering, wonders of robotics and world changing innovations as the root of hard work are a few ways I've used to motivate future engineer majors.

Leading a group to victory is fulfilling, not solely because of attaining victory but rather because of the successful leading command. Taking charge to lead a group of students at NASA's robotics camp was challenging; I had to be a team player, a listener and a problem solver. My strength was in knowing the strengths of each of my members and knowing how to work as a team. I succeeded in two things: dividing tasks based on strengths and making sure everyone, including me, met the requirements, thereby pushing the team to victory.

Today, I code to win a competition. Someday, I hope to code to solve significant. The past three years have been an embodiment of self-improvement. On joining GT I'd uphold the motto and strive towards pushing my limits in each of the three characteristics. I'd also choose to continue my work with robotics by joining the RoboJackets.


Character count: 2000


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