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Influence, Dreams, Work Experience, and Scholarship-Syracuse Supplement

MalJack93 3 / 3  
Dec 30, 2011   #1
I need help revising this and it would be highly appreciated, thank you.

1. Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?

At the end of my junior year and at the beginning of my summer break, I went to a four-day workshop hosted by a program named College Summit. Once acquainted with a college counselor named Ms. Terri, I started to receive assistance with my college search. She helped me by asking questions about my future, postsecondary plans, and college preferences along with the colleges that I already found interest in. Based on my responses, Ms. Terri created a list of recommended colleges for me. With New York as a place of familiarity and affinity, Syracuse University quickly caught my attention. Time Square, having the convenience of everything being close by, and the diverse people and culture of New York City has made it and the state itself an attracting place to me. So the idea of living and going to school anywhere in New York appeals to me greatly. After researching Syracuse, I found it as a college of opportunities and academic and personal growth. When I learned about Syracuse's prominent reputation for its business and technology programs, I was driven to learn even about them. Soon after, I discovered Syracuse's dual student program. I realized studying the aspects of technology and business at the same time would truly challenge me, forcing me to tear down any walls that may hinder the reach of my goals. From then on, the curiosity that grew in me turned into an itching desire to apply to Syracuse.

2. Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this?

For a great sum of my life, I have always dreamt of becoming someone of great significance by going into the field of business. With that, I aim to create a business not for myself, but for the things and people around me. Knowing that I needed a niche, I looked at several things that could serve to form the foundation of this dream. To fulfill that role, I plan to use my prowess of computers and technology in order to create or provide a useful service or product. By doing so, I'll have a grasp on my dream of becoming a commendable entrepreneur. Syracuse University's mission to take students out of the class room and into the real world will broaden the possibilities of my dream by transforming it into a reality. With the purpose of this mission, turning what I do outside the classroom into something significant, will add onto the impacts other students bring to the community and the rest of the world. As for my dreams of entrepreneurship and innovation, creating something as an actual necessity, in the long run, will result in my own legacy. This "legacy," will illustrate my true dream of becoming an icon, or at least a contributing figure to the betterment of society and condition of living.

3. If you have had work experience, what skills and/or knowledge did you gain?

The work experience I have stems from my engagement of volunteering at a resource room in my local area. During my time at the Resource Room, I swept and mopped floors, cleaned tables and chairs, gave assistance to their summer camp, and participated in a workshop. When kids arrived in the morning for summer camp, it started the most engaging part of my volunteering. They started with doing math and reading assignments, where I helped with whatever they needed. If they ran into problems with understanding what they read or figuring out math problems, I explained the stories to them in a creative way, and taught them basic math skills when necessary. Moreover, volunteering became even more active when the kids were taken out to parks or a skating ring in the afternoon. At the skating ring, the younger kids always stumbled and hanged onto the rails when they skated. If any of the kids ever came close to falling, any volunteer including myself made sure to stop them from doing so. We also always taught them how to skate properly and maintain their balance. As for the workshop, learning about communication skills and how to implement them effectively gave volunteering even more value. All in all, cleaning may have seemed like an unfulfilling responsibility, but I learned how every person needs to do their part in order to make things work. My whole entire time volunteering at the Resource Room was nothing but a learning experience, a way for me to network with new people, and a constructive thing for me to do over the summer.

4. Our mission of Scholarship in Action, education for the world in the world, extends beyond the classroom to include engagement opportunities with our campus community, the City of Syracuse, and locations across the globe. Based on your interests, tell us what real-world experiences you might pursue during your education at Syracuse as part of this mission.

Syracuse University's mission of "Scholarship in Action", when simply read on a computer monitor, seems subtle. However, the true meaning behind it alone stands for something with much more impacting significance; transforming the effect a group places on their community into a global one. I plan to pursue a number of real-world experiences by maintaining an open-mind to whichever ones come my way. The ones I already have in mind consist of studying abroad, volunteering, becoming involved in organizations, and even starting my own community group. During my time in Hong Kong, I will learn about business from a different perspective, and then I will apply that, and other knowledge I gain to what I do back at home. In addition, I will not only volunteer in the community of Syracuse, but abroad as well. By doing this and something such as teaching natives about my culture, I will be able to "integrate" myself into Hong Kong's culture just as other SU abroad students have done. With that, Syracuse will have even more of an extension and impact to another part of the world. As for organizations and community groups, I would love to join any poetry organization or start my own, as well as an "ecology" club or any groups that promote the use of alternative energy resources within the community. Eventually, I will make it possible or assist in any way to stretch the actions of these organizations from the community to other places on the globe. With that, the impact of one student will add onto existing ones, truly making the mission of "Scholarship in Action" effective and more than a reality.
omo5031 8 / 33  
Dec 31, 2011   #2
You did a great job correcting your essays especially the first and third one, you have definately answered the prompt. I didn't find anything wrong gramatically.

Good luck and hope I helped:) thanks for reading my essay

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