I realize this is horrible. and honestly, I'm not planning on handing this in to colleges at all, because it's a deplorable piece of crap. But I do have to hand it in to my english teacher, so I'm wondering if I'm at least going in at least slightly the right direction? I forgot it was due and didn't plan it out at all, but this IS the common application question that I'm planning on using. The english assignment was to write a pseudo common app essay, just to try it out. I just need help refining it I guess, and figuring out what I actually want to say in the essay... ugh, it's so frustrating. I know how I feel and what I want to say, but I'm having such trouble putting it into words and not making it sound stupid and petty. I have a really hard time writing about myself and focusing the essay on MY transformation, and not the guy featured in it. I'd really appreciate any and all feedback, even if it's just 'man this essay sucks, start over!' Thanks.
'In the course of my life, I've been influenced by many people. Over the past eighteen years many family members and friends and the parts they've played in my life have impacted how I behave and think. Most of the people who have influenced me made stereotypical contributions, like my Mom and my best friend. Surprisingly though, the person who had the strongest effect on me was someone that I hardly knew, and yet he was able to make me re-evaluate my entire outlook on life based upon meeting with him only a handful of times. Sometimes it seems like the people who have the biggest influences on you are people that you don't even know - such as actors, or musicians, or sports stars. The person who has thus far made the greatest impact on my life is none of these, in fact, he's almost painfully ordinary; a college kid, anonymous to everyone I know and yet so crucial to the evolution of my personality and the way I go about my day-to-day life.
It's like for my whole life I was sitting too close to a television, seeing only the tiny, wavy dots of green, blue and red that make up the screen, not the full picture. Until someone pulled me far enough away to see what I was missing. Before I met Jonathan I could be described as the stereotypical anonymous high school student. I existed in a set group of friends who all shared the same interests, and hardly ever branched out. School was important to me, but as with all teenagers, not as important as it should be. I was somewhat lost, not particularly liking the place I was stuck at in my life, but not knowing how to break free and move forward, either. Jonathan was the type of person that appears just when you need something, and you're not sure what. He wasn't nice, but he wasn't mean either. He didn't break my heart, though he'll always have a place in it. He told me what I most needed to hear even if it was usually in exactly the words I least needed to hear it in. It was while in the company of Jonathan that I had many revelations, and left many parts of myself behind in order to make room for new ideas. He's the type of person that's always moving, his hands lifting and falling like birds whenever he talks. He's the careless type of person that's almost charming with his blatant disregard for anything ordinary. I admired and still do admire the way that he lives his life, seemingly without a care in the world, tossing infectious tilt-a-whirl smiles wherever he goes. I didn't know him at all when he walked into my life and oddly, it seemed like I knew him even less when he walked out.
There is a definite before and after where Jonathan is concerned. He influenced my life more than I thought anyone ever could in such a short amount of time, and I put him on a pedestal without realizing that he was just a person, that was all, and flawed just like the rest of us. I built him up to be so legendary in my mind that there was no way the real person could ever live up to such unrealistic expectations. He was my hero, or so I thought. Like I said, he didn't break my heart, not in the way you'd think at least. I trusted him almost implicitly, handing over details of my life and my feelings that I'd never told anyone, not even bothering to write them down in my diary. I trusted him with my heart and my mind and he treated both as though they were disposable playthings, interesting for a few moments before the novelty wore off. In talking with him, meeting covertly in apple orchards and dead ends, I thought I began to realize how precious life was, and that even though you had to be cautious, you also had to let yourself be free to wander and explore, and to step outside the box that small-town societies often surround young people with. While those were good things to realize, Jonathan pushed me to dig deeper, to go further into the extreme, and I eventually became someone that I didn't know, and didn't really like. It was only after I'd completely changed myself so that he would accept me that I realized Jonathan wasn't my savior or my guide to a better life, but just a silly boy with big ideas who needed someone to expound them to, and I let myself get caught up in all his talk, and let him take advantage of my blind admiration. He might not have been a rock star or an actor but he gained that type of notoriety in my own mind, and had just as much influence. In letting him go, I felt more than a slight twist in my chest. It was a tangible loss.
Jonathan leaving was like that saying - lemons, lemonade. Him leaving was like biting into a lemon. Sour and fresh puckered cheeks, if there's one thing in the world that perfectly personifies betrayal and rejection, it's the choking, hurtful taste of lemons. The recent months of disappointment were like ashes in my mouth in that moment. The pressure of his hand had always given me somewhere to return to, and now that was gone forever. The only thing I could think was that surely there should have been more noise, more drama in a life falling apart. For the longest time afterward I felt like Chicken Licken screaming that the sky was falling in. Only recently have I realized that in trying to imitate and immortalize Jonathan, I've come into my own. Now I can walk through the hallways with my head held high, knowing that no one will ever make me feel sorry for being myself again. It was only when I finally let the idea of Jonathan go that I realized what a strong person I had become while my head had been turned the other way. After meeting Jonathan, I branched out and befriended students who were different than myself, the more vibrant, the more studious, the more care-free. I found happiness that I'd never realized I'd been missing before. Jonathan gave me the courage and the self-esteem to let me be myself, and not to take any crap for being different or unique. Jonathan gave me the confidence in myself that I'd never had before, that allowed me to go after things that before I would have deemed far out of my reach. Letting him go was like one big sigh, easy and long and just so good, as long as I think about it for too long and too hard. Meeting him was an experience. One that I've hated and loved and treasured and learned from. But he wasn't the one that changed me. I was the one who changed me, who rose up and took on the challenge of becoming the person I am today. It's only afterward, now, that I realize that what I expect from myself, and what actually happens, are never the same thing. If I could define myself in one word, I'd be a pretty boring person, so I won't. But if I did, I think I'd really like that word to be 'strong.' '
'In the course of my life, I've been influenced by many people. Over the past eighteen years many family members and friends and the parts they've played in my life have impacted how I behave and think. Most of the people who have influenced me made stereotypical contributions, like my Mom and my best friend. Surprisingly though, the person who had the strongest effect on me was someone that I hardly knew, and yet he was able to make me re-evaluate my entire outlook on life based upon meeting with him only a handful of times. Sometimes it seems like the people who have the biggest influences on you are people that you don't even know - such as actors, or musicians, or sports stars. The person who has thus far made the greatest impact on my life is none of these, in fact, he's almost painfully ordinary; a college kid, anonymous to everyone I know and yet so crucial to the evolution of my personality and the way I go about my day-to-day life.
It's like for my whole life I was sitting too close to a television, seeing only the tiny, wavy dots of green, blue and red that make up the screen, not the full picture. Until someone pulled me far enough away to see what I was missing. Before I met Jonathan I could be described as the stereotypical anonymous high school student. I existed in a set group of friends who all shared the same interests, and hardly ever branched out. School was important to me, but as with all teenagers, not as important as it should be. I was somewhat lost, not particularly liking the place I was stuck at in my life, but not knowing how to break free and move forward, either. Jonathan was the type of person that appears just when you need something, and you're not sure what. He wasn't nice, but he wasn't mean either. He didn't break my heart, though he'll always have a place in it. He told me what I most needed to hear even if it was usually in exactly the words I least needed to hear it in. It was while in the company of Jonathan that I had many revelations, and left many parts of myself behind in order to make room for new ideas. He's the type of person that's always moving, his hands lifting and falling like birds whenever he talks. He's the careless type of person that's almost charming with his blatant disregard for anything ordinary. I admired and still do admire the way that he lives his life, seemingly without a care in the world, tossing infectious tilt-a-whirl smiles wherever he goes. I didn't know him at all when he walked into my life and oddly, it seemed like I knew him even less when he walked out.
There is a definite before and after where Jonathan is concerned. He influenced my life more than I thought anyone ever could in such a short amount of time, and I put him on a pedestal without realizing that he was just a person, that was all, and flawed just like the rest of us. I built him up to be so legendary in my mind that there was no way the real person could ever live up to such unrealistic expectations. He was my hero, or so I thought. Like I said, he didn't break my heart, not in the way you'd think at least. I trusted him almost implicitly, handing over details of my life and my feelings that I'd never told anyone, not even bothering to write them down in my diary. I trusted him with my heart and my mind and he treated both as though they were disposable playthings, interesting for a few moments before the novelty wore off. In talking with him, meeting covertly in apple orchards and dead ends, I thought I began to realize how precious life was, and that even though you had to be cautious, you also had to let yourself be free to wander and explore, and to step outside the box that small-town societies often surround young people with. While those were good things to realize, Jonathan pushed me to dig deeper, to go further into the extreme, and I eventually became someone that I didn't know, and didn't really like. It was only after I'd completely changed myself so that he would accept me that I realized Jonathan wasn't my savior or my guide to a better life, but just a silly boy with big ideas who needed someone to expound them to, and I let myself get caught up in all his talk, and let him take advantage of my blind admiration. He might not have been a rock star or an actor but he gained that type of notoriety in my own mind, and had just as much influence. In letting him go, I felt more than a slight twist in my chest. It was a tangible loss.
Jonathan leaving was like that saying - lemons, lemonade. Him leaving was like biting into a lemon. Sour and fresh puckered cheeks, if there's one thing in the world that perfectly personifies betrayal and rejection, it's the choking, hurtful taste of lemons. The recent months of disappointment were like ashes in my mouth in that moment. The pressure of his hand had always given me somewhere to return to, and now that was gone forever. The only thing I could think was that surely there should have been more noise, more drama in a life falling apart. For the longest time afterward I felt like Chicken Licken screaming that the sky was falling in. Only recently have I realized that in trying to imitate and immortalize Jonathan, I've come into my own. Now I can walk through the hallways with my head held high, knowing that no one will ever make me feel sorry for being myself again. It was only when I finally let the idea of Jonathan go that I realized what a strong person I had become while my head had been turned the other way. After meeting Jonathan, I branched out and befriended students who were different than myself, the more vibrant, the more studious, the more care-free. I found happiness that I'd never realized I'd been missing before. Jonathan gave me the courage and the self-esteem to let me be myself, and not to take any crap for being different or unique. Jonathan gave me the confidence in myself that I'd never had before, that allowed me to go after things that before I would have deemed far out of my reach. Letting him go was like one big sigh, easy and long and just so good, as long as I think about it for too long and too hard. Meeting him was an experience. One that I've hated and loved and treasured and learned from. But he wasn't the one that changed me. I was the one who changed me, who rose up and took on the challenge of becoming the person I am today. It's only afterward, now, that I realize that what I expect from myself, and what actually happens, are never the same thing. If I could define myself in one word, I'd be a pretty boring person, so I won't. But if I did, I think I'd really like that word to be 'strong.' '