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Inspiration during the SAT — Dartmouth supplement

anna123 8 / 14 3  
Dec 30, 2018   #1
Hi! I wrote a two essays for the Dartmouth supplement. I'd appreciate Any comments, criticisms, advice, and also if you could read them both and tell me which one is better, I would worship you.

Charades - surprisingly useful during meetings

"You can't use up creativity," Maya Angelou mused. "The more you use, the more you have." Share a creative moment or impulse-in any form-that inspired creativity in your life. (300)

"Well, any ideas?"
Silence fills the room. I am impatient, waiting for anyone-anything to break the intolerable silence. I sigh, as the twenty-four pairs of eyes stare blankly back at me. Nobody moves.

When I asked the committee to voice their opinions, I would be met with this norm. The intimidating silence stifled the students' voices, as they assumed some brave soul would eventually venture to speak.

Unfortunately, no such thing ever happened, and the meeting would come to the typical close of my presentation of ideas and the others' nod of assent.

I wanted to be the revolutionary chairwoman who would disrupt this status quo. I dreamt of the ideal committee meeting: a classroom full of students in animated discussion, an occasional outburst of laughter, and me straining to transcribe the explosion of creative ideas from the students onto the whiteboard-a fantasy far from the reality that I faced.

It was during the SAT that the idea sprang to me. Inspired by a social science passage about a company that successfully boosted employer creativity, I hypothesized the reason behind the unfruitful meetings. Perhaps the uneasy ambience-stemming from the students' unfamiliarity with one another- was the root of the nervousness and reticence. To resolve this, I decided to host my favorite icebreaker: Charades.

The teachers were skeptical. The tradition established that committee meetings were a formal affair for making important decisions, not some social club to make friends. However, after weeks of persistent imploring, they gave in and allocated half an hour to the game.

I marveled at the success of the icebreaker as elated expressions filled the students' faces. There was much laughter all around, and the post-activity discussions were lively, with hands shooting up and cheerful voices resonating in the room.

I smiled as my chalk ran out. Now that's more like it.

Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Dec 31, 2018   #2
Good essay. You may want to include a quick explanation of how the SAT inspired the thought of charades in you though. I can't really understand what the connection is and the reviewer will most likely wonder about it as well. It's just an important clarification point that you should make in the essay. If possible, don't end the essay with a reference to how the group became active during the game. Instead, end by explaining how the game made the group come to life, cooperate with one another, and interact in a vocal manner when they could not before. That way the essay will come full circle in your presentation. Due to the word count limitation, you could work on shortening the first 3 lines of the essay into a simple reference to how the group was not functioning well. The dialogue is good but it doesn't really move the story along. The story doesn't really pick up until the 4th paragraph anyway so you won't be losing anything by editing the first few references in the essay.

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