the apathy
'' Oh my f* god, she's wearing the pink underwear''
''You are such a slut''
'' Why don't you shave your hair?''
''Can you shut your mouth up? ''
This is what I called the ''normal'' conversation. Literally, normal, as I heard it every day. In 9th grade, at a new school, I got bullied by a group of boys in my class. That was probably the most terrible thing I have ever experienced during my 17-year-of-existence. Everyday weighed upon me like a battle. Mentally and physically, I was completely exhausted. I would spend hours thinking about insecurity and tried to unhealthily suppress it to seek the attention of those who bullied me. I became excessively obsessed with how people perceived me and did everything in my power to fill the emptiness inside me with others' approval. But that was not all.
There were great gusts of cold air blowing in. A candle is blown out, was it the signal of the end of something? I'm not sure.
The worst thing was not the fact that I was bullied but people's apathy that hurt me the most. I got attacked by those insulting words. EVERYDAY. From a carefree 13-year-old who alwaýs dreamt about the magical world in Ghibli movies, she was afraid of this world and lost her faith in the people. She sought help from her classmates and even the teacher who thought that they were just the mischievous boys. No one was out there to help her. She once cried her eyes out when watching ''Miracle in Cell No. 7'' when the mentally challenged father decided to sacrifice for the well-being of his daughter after being forced to confess his guilt although he did not commit. He was defenseless, he had no other choice because he was the people whose voice was not heard. I used to be empathetic but had never thought that one day, I would deeply relate to. All the things that happened were the cause that rooted in my biggest fear: it's the apathy - a social disease that needs more serious attention.
Things just got worse over time. But one day, they crossed the line. They insulted my family. And that was my limit. I couldn't stand more. I stood up and sprung to my self-defense. I criticized them for bullying me, for insulting me and my family, for neglecting one's life. I also criticized the other, and even myself for not having the confidence to stand up. That burst of anger fueled my courage. I was made sharply aware of how bullying has been happening terribly everywhere but still, no one comes up with any effective measures and how the apathy has been more and more apparent and intense. And that someone must take action to stop this from happening. It was only a moment of realization but crucial enough for me to acknowledge its existence.
I did not have that power to completely change the whole situation. But I was proud of myself for standing up for me and also for another girl in my class who was also bullied. I may not be certain of my future but I know for sure what I want to serve and want to change. I want to be the voice of the ignored, of the underprivileged, and the unheard. I want to change the way people perceive this world, about the sufferings of the people they treat with disrespect. I will fight against ignorance, discrimination, and prejudice.
With me, the world is no more different than a candle. Love, passion, strength,... Together, we could keep the flame burning. But even if it is blown out, it is not the end. Looking up to the sky, there are millions of stars twinkling. Everyone has and deserves the night sky.
