Hello everyone, I will be applying to the Peace Corps and would like some feedback on my two essays. My grammar is not the best and I need some help making sure it flows well.
Thank you very much.
Essay 1:
Your reasons for wanting to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer; and how these reasons are related to your past experiences and life goals. How you expect to satisfy the Peace Corps 10 Core Expectations (please be specific about which expectations you expect to find most challenging and how you plan to overcome these challenges).
My desire to serve as a Peace Corps volunteer is rooted in my upbringing, volunteer and intellectual experiences, and my need to continue developing and strengthening powerful intercultural bonds. Although I was born and raised in Quincy, WA, a comfort town with a lack of diverse interactions, I traveled to India and was able to connect with people who live in a parallel world to mine. This experience allowed me to gain unforgettable experiences, but most importantly, regain compassion and excitement for these cultural exchanges.
As a student at the University of Washington, I was constantly reminded of the immense educational and personal growth which comes forth when one is immersed in a environment different to our own. I became involved with M.E.Ch.A., a Latino/a based grassroots organization, which seeks to promote higher education and sexual health awareness to underrepresented Latino communities. This is carried out through cultural empowerment and by providing access to resources. During my time with this organization, I was involved in the presentation of a series of workshops, youth conferences, and a national conference hosting over 600 students from across the nation.
While traveling in India, I had the opportunity of working with a woman's social justice organization. My experience with this organization eased me into self-reflection, I came to further realize how privileged I have always been, creating a desire to continue my learning abroad because while overseas, I achieved all that which could not have been possible in any university lecture.
My varied travel experiences have provided me with unbelievable personal and professional growth. I believe living abroad for 27 months would allow me to gain greater humility, international awareness, and further develop my cross cultural skills. These three qualities are crucial to better understanding our diverse society. Upon returning from the Peace Corps I hope to obtain a law degree with a focus on family law and serve underprivileged communities. The experience gained from this international experience would enable me to better serve these populations.
I commit to fulfilling the Core expectations to the best of my abilities. The expectation which I believe will be most challenging is #9. Like many other people of color, when abroad and questioned about my nationality, I introduce myself as American which leads inquirers to question my heritage. Calling myself American is not an acceptable answer for many, which is the result of stereotypes that are constantly perpetuated by the media. It is important that communities abroad understand that America is an extremely diverse society. While abroad I will commit myself to debunking stereotypes of American culture.
After traveling to various regions of the world and participating in activities which strive for social equity, I can no longer see and solely live through the fixed gaze of the West. Even though my volunteer experiences have been local, I have learned that when volunteering, you learn a form of communication that transcends personal differences and the acquired relationships take on profound meaning.
Essay 2:
Your success as a Peace Corps Volunteer is based on the trust and confidence you build by living in, and respectfully integrating yourself into, your host community and culture (Core Expectation #4). Describe an experience you have had in living or working in a social or cultural environment different from your own. What specific challenges did you face concerning trust, confidence, and/or integration? What did you learn from this experience that you will bring with you to your Peace Corps service?
MEXICO CITY - The taxi driver appeared to be 35 or 40, with dark skin, and with a short Billy Ray Cyrus mullet, which appeared to be very much favored by men of his generation. We'd been sitting in traffic for about 30 minutes exchanging a few words, when suddenly he asked if I spoke English. I told him I did. He asked where I was from, if I liked Mexico, and if my parents ever came back."U.S., Yes, and Yes" were my three short answers. I figured I'd done something to give away that I wasn't born or raised in Mexico.
Three years ago I embarked on one of the most challenging journeys to Mexico City. I was hoping to perfect my Spanish skills and further develop my knowledge of my own heritage. I thought this semester abroad would be everything but culturally challenging. Like any other booming megalopolis, Mexico City is culturally, ethnically, sexually, and religiously diverse; all key to easily integrating myself. I soon learned that although I was raised in a fairly traditional Mexican household, my accent and most importantly, my nationality set me apart from my new friends and relatives.
I repeatedly received an unconvincing stare and "not quite" as an answer when identifying as simply Mexican. It took me months before realizing and accepting that although I had so much in common with the people of my hosting country, I was still very different. My Americaness has provided me with privileges and access to resources which a small percentage of the world's population can claim. Acknowledging my differences became key for my personal growth while in Mexico. I learned that although I identified as Mexican, my identity was deeply shaped by American culture which built differences that only awareness and humility could begin to break down.
During my 6 month stay in Mexico City, I learned that a humble open mind is key to accepting our differences. This automatically inhibits your ability to truly connect with a different community in a meaningful manner. The relationships that I created during my trip can be seen as partnerships of shared learning. Similarly, as a Peace Corps volunteer, I hope my host community and I can both learn a new culture and uncloak shared prejudices. This will allow both parties to have a more ample understanding of each others heavily interconnected societies.
Thank you very much.
Essay 1:
Your reasons for wanting to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer; and how these reasons are related to your past experiences and life goals. How you expect to satisfy the Peace Corps 10 Core Expectations (please be specific about which expectations you expect to find most challenging and how you plan to overcome these challenges).
My desire to serve as a Peace Corps volunteer is rooted in my upbringing, volunteer and intellectual experiences, and my need to continue developing and strengthening powerful intercultural bonds. Although I was born and raised in Quincy, WA, a comfort town with a lack of diverse interactions, I traveled to India and was able to connect with people who live in a parallel world to mine. This experience allowed me to gain unforgettable experiences, but most importantly, regain compassion and excitement for these cultural exchanges.
As a student at the University of Washington, I was constantly reminded of the immense educational and personal growth which comes forth when one is immersed in a environment different to our own. I became involved with M.E.Ch.A., a Latino/a based grassroots organization, which seeks to promote higher education and sexual health awareness to underrepresented Latino communities. This is carried out through cultural empowerment and by providing access to resources. During my time with this organization, I was involved in the presentation of a series of workshops, youth conferences, and a national conference hosting over 600 students from across the nation.
While traveling in India, I had the opportunity of working with a woman's social justice organization. My experience with this organization eased me into self-reflection, I came to further realize how privileged I have always been, creating a desire to continue my learning abroad because while overseas, I achieved all that which could not have been possible in any university lecture.
My varied travel experiences have provided me with unbelievable personal and professional growth. I believe living abroad for 27 months would allow me to gain greater humility, international awareness, and further develop my cross cultural skills. These three qualities are crucial to better understanding our diverse society. Upon returning from the Peace Corps I hope to obtain a law degree with a focus on family law and serve underprivileged communities. The experience gained from this international experience would enable me to better serve these populations.
I commit to fulfilling the Core expectations to the best of my abilities. The expectation which I believe will be most challenging is #9. Like many other people of color, when abroad and questioned about my nationality, I introduce myself as American which leads inquirers to question my heritage. Calling myself American is not an acceptable answer for many, which is the result of stereotypes that are constantly perpetuated by the media. It is important that communities abroad understand that America is an extremely diverse society. While abroad I will commit myself to debunking stereotypes of American culture.
After traveling to various regions of the world and participating in activities which strive for social equity, I can no longer see and solely live through the fixed gaze of the West. Even though my volunteer experiences have been local, I have learned that when volunteering, you learn a form of communication that transcends personal differences and the acquired relationships take on profound meaning.
Essay 2:
Your success as a Peace Corps Volunteer is based on the trust and confidence you build by living in, and respectfully integrating yourself into, your host community and culture (Core Expectation #4). Describe an experience you have had in living or working in a social or cultural environment different from your own. What specific challenges did you face concerning trust, confidence, and/or integration? What did you learn from this experience that you will bring with you to your Peace Corps service?
MEXICO CITY - The taxi driver appeared to be 35 or 40, with dark skin, and with a short Billy Ray Cyrus mullet, which appeared to be very much favored by men of his generation. We'd been sitting in traffic for about 30 minutes exchanging a few words, when suddenly he asked if I spoke English. I told him I did. He asked where I was from, if I liked Mexico, and if my parents ever came back."U.S., Yes, and Yes" were my three short answers. I figured I'd done something to give away that I wasn't born or raised in Mexico.
Three years ago I embarked on one of the most challenging journeys to Mexico City. I was hoping to perfect my Spanish skills and further develop my knowledge of my own heritage. I thought this semester abroad would be everything but culturally challenging. Like any other booming megalopolis, Mexico City is culturally, ethnically, sexually, and religiously diverse; all key to easily integrating myself. I soon learned that although I was raised in a fairly traditional Mexican household, my accent and most importantly, my nationality set me apart from my new friends and relatives.
I repeatedly received an unconvincing stare and "not quite" as an answer when identifying as simply Mexican. It took me months before realizing and accepting that although I had so much in common with the people of my hosting country, I was still very different. My Americaness has provided me with privileges and access to resources which a small percentage of the world's population can claim. Acknowledging my differences became key for my personal growth while in Mexico. I learned that although I identified as Mexican, my identity was deeply shaped by American culture which built differences that only awareness and humility could begin to break down.
During my 6 month stay in Mexico City, I learned that a humble open mind is key to accepting our differences. This automatically inhibits your ability to truly connect with a different community in a meaningful manner. The relationships that I created during my trip can be seen as partnerships of shared learning. Similarly, as a Peace Corps volunteer, I hope my host community and I can both learn a new culture and uncloak shared prejudices. This will allow both parties to have a more ample understanding of each others heavily interconnected societies.
