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Intelligence is vital into accomplishing greatness in this worldUW MADISON/GOES UNNOTICED



Lhandke27 1 / -  
Oct 18, 2013   #1
Hello! i am applying to UW Madison and have to write this essay for my application. I am open to whatever people have to say about my writing so please let me know what changes i should make:)

Prompt: Consider something in your life you think goes unnoticed and write about why it's important to you.
Intelligence is vital into accomplishing greatness in this world. Today's society scales intelligence with letters, test scores, and statistics. Rather than viewing intelligence as figures, I view it as acquirable knowledge that can be used towards any skill or goal in life. This means that people can have different skill sets and IQ levels, but still be intelligent. Everyone in this world is unique and it is important to take note of the skills people do have rather than the ones that they don't. When getting a job or going to college, an applicant is reviewed based on what society views intelligence as, this can really make or break the decision.

A skill that I do have is intelligence, it is not always noticeable, but I am smart. Going back to how society views intelligence, I have good grades, good test scores, and a good GPA to back it all up. In high school these grades are personal, no one will ever know if I am smart or not. Most people use the words: outgoing, creative, dedicated, and organized to describe me if they don't truly know me. My classmates are usually quite surprised once we get into groups and notice that I am the one that does everything. I think it is sometimes a good thing that I can surprise my peers like that, but in my future being known for my intelligence will be very important.

Intelligence is a big determining factor to get into college, get an internship, and overall get a job. It is usually the first thing that is picked out from an application because it is so easy to glance over a set of numbers and decide whether the individual is smart or not. This is why I have worked very hard in school so that I can be viewed as intelligent, the fact that I have put lots of time and effort into my grades and test scores it is so important to me. I would like to be able to walk into a room and have people thinking, "Wow this young woman looks smart." My overall dream is to become a successful orthopedic surgeon which requires LOTS of intelligence. I believe that I have the skills to accomplish this dream and many other short term goals because I have the intelligence and the desire to achieve greatness.

yumandragore 3 / 12  
Oct 18, 2013   #2
You haven't really focused on how your intelligence goes unnoticed, you've only mentioned that your other qualities are more apparent than your intelligence, You have focused a lot on the fact that you are smart, which can kind of sound arrogant. You have repeted this a lot "A skill that I do have is intelligence", then "I have good grades, good test scores, and a good GPA"(this is something they will already know through your application, don't worry about stressing it, worry about showing them something they can't see, something that "goes unnoticed") and again you say "because I have the intelligence"(I think we know that by now, but you're TELLING not SHOWING)

I hope my criticism is not too harsh, my intention is to help! And I may be wrong, after all I'm no expert.
By the way, I love UW Madison and wanted to apply there but it's not financially affordable for all international students such as myself.

If you have the chance, please take a look at my essays.
Good luck to you!


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