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"my intended Biochemistry major and languages" Boston University Short Answer



whomp123 6 / 36  
Dec 21, 2010   #1
Short Essay: In five or six sentences, tell us how you first became interested in BU and what steps you have taken to learn more about us.

In my search for a university, I desired not only to find a place specific programs that would suit my interests of study but also one with a broad range of opinions, places, and opportunities that I could explore. In my lifetime, I have already traveled to twenty-three countries which has strengthened my inner passion for open-mindedness and diversity. The first step was location: Where else but a student- friendly city like Boston would I find a place that offers internships and community service projects that I covet? The next step was finding the college that would fit me best: I was immediately struck by Boston University's ability to integrate itself into the surrounding city. Delving deeper, I discovered many programs that are perfect for me, especially the Dresden Internship Program which molds to my intended Biochemistry major as well as my love for learning new languages. I took one more look at the white of red letters of Boston University, saw myself in the community -from walking with my friends along the river, listening to Stravinsky and Bartók at Symphony Hall, singing with the Glee Club, to working alongside my devoted peers and faculty- and I knew it was the place for me.

OP whomp123 6 / 36  
Dec 21, 2010   #2
*river, *for
sorry, typos...
Jonika 4 / 10  
Dec 21, 2010   #3
Second half of the essay is very good IMO because of the specificity. Overall, very well written.

The first step was location: Where else but Boston would I find a place where I can find the internships and community service projects that every college student covets?

Why exactly is this true?
OP whomp123 6 / 36  
Dec 21, 2010   #4
I don't know if this correction helps my essay a little. Thanks for your suggestions! lmk!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 1, 2011   #5
Hi stephanie, have I told you I think your username is really cool. It brightens my day when I see it.

In my search for a university, I desired not only to find a place specific programs that would suit my interests of study but also one with a broad range of opinions, places, and opportunities that I could explore.

In my lifetime, I have already traveled to twenty-three countries which has strengthened my inner passion for open-mindedness and diversity. ---You know, I think this is a weak statement. I guess I think it does not convey what you want it to convey. Maybe you can replace it with a sentence about your career interests.

The first step was location: Where else but a student- friendly city like Boston would I find a place that offers internships and community service projects that I covet?--I think covet is a weird word to use, and I think this sentence should reference particular types of internships. Reinforce to the reader that you have invested a lot of thought in your goals.

The next step was finding the college that would fit me best: I was immediately struck by Boston University's ability to integrate itself into the surrounding city with the XXXXX program, and the YYYY (i.e. examples).

especially the Dresden Internship Program ---good example...

Biochemistry major as well as my love for learning new language --- this is what you should write more about.

:-)


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