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My interest in SU ignited when my twin sister and I resided with my elder sister in her house.


LunarEclipse 3 / 5 3  
Jan 1, 2015   #1
1. Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?

My interest in Syracuse University ignited when my twin sister and I resided with my elder sister in her off-campus house. What I expected to be a banal summer was actually a summer filled with tours of SU. On the second day of our vacation, my sister took us straight to the campus. As we came across a building that reminded me of the Athenian Propylaea, my sister turned to me and enthusiastically clasped her hands together while I snubbed her enthusiasm with a look that read "Can we leave?"

"This is Hendricks Chapel, a gathering place for people of all religions. There's even a prayer room here where I've prayed before!" she said with a smile that stretched a mile across her face.

As the tour continued, she introduced us to various buildings like the Carrier Dome and the Hall of Languages. But as we left Carnegie Library, I realized my inattentive attitude changed and I grasped the minor details of the tour: Hendricks Chapel has a student-run coffee shop called People's Place that provides great food for low prices, Crouse College possesses the organ, a very rare piano, and there's a statue of Abraham Lincoln in front of the Maxwell School of Citizenship and Public Affairs. But, this tour was just the tip of the iceberg. On the night we watched Iron Man 2 on the "Quad" I was convinced SU could be my second home. As the night sky and stars projected light onto the Quad, I took in the warm scene of students of all different backgrounds, religions, and even majors communicating with one another. I myself was even approached by a few students and was able to converse with them. Sitting in my seat, with a projector displaying Iron Man 2 in front of a sea of college students, I felt I was with a family, despite my lack of an Otto shirt. "Syracuse University, huh?" I said with a smile that stretched a mile across my face, finally understanding my sister's love for SU.

2. MOD comment:One essay at one time please
ben_may440 5 / 10  
Jan 1, 2015   #2
I like the first essay it did a good job of answering the prompt. I appreciate what you did with the second essay unfortunately it felt like you dragged it way to long. Remember you have a word limit and wasting precious words for four lines seems like your stalling. Once you get past the introduction the rest of the essay shines. I'm sorry to say I'm not very good with conclusions myself so I can't offer you much on that front. I guess it never hurts to kind of give a sentence that sums up everything or reflects on you ultimate goal! Hope it helps and good luck to you


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