This essay is pretty crazy, so please tell me honestly what you think of it! I didn't know what to write, so I pretty much literally went with what my first instinct would be if I were actually writing a note to my future roommate. My main question is whether it's too all-over-the-place and non-serious, but other feedback is also appreciated.
Prompt: Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better. (1800 characters)
Hi, Future Roommate!*
How are you? I hope you're enjoying this wonderful day. (And yes, I am telling you that you're having a good day - unless you're a zombie, you should, according to my calculations, be alive; and if you're alive, then you're having a good day.) I have a feeling that I'm going to run out of characters very quickly if I keep going like this, so I'll just get to the point now and tell you some things about myself.
I was born in Zaporizhzhya, Ukraine (no, you don't have to know how to pronounce that), and moved to the US when I was seven. I know Russian fluently. I have an absolutely ridiculous number of interests, but since I know that just saying that won't help you whatsoever, I will tell you that I enjoy traveling, horseback riding, writing, reading, and acting. I also like animals and nature, and am pretty much a tree-hugger (so if you don't recycle, be prepared for conversion). I really enjoy learning about new (or new to me) ideas and points of view, and am very curious and interested in new experiences.
Anyway, I can't wait to meet you! College is going to be incredible. Not only are we going to be hundreds of (or, as in my case, over a thousand) miles from our elders (although once the dirty laundry starts piling up, we may reconsider whether that's really such a good thing), we're also going to be studying at one of the nation's leading universities. I think we're going to have an absolutely amazing time at Stanford. So if you haven't been enjoying your day, start now!
Impatiently,
Your Future Roommate
*a.k.a. Admission Committee in Disguise
you definitely have some interesting details to work with. you should expand on being a tree-hugger, loving animals and nature. maybe talk about your childhood in the ukraine. or perhaps what you aspire for during your time at stanford?
right now you are identifying common themes all future college students would talk about, being away from home, having a good time, etc.
take advantage of the opportunity you have to show more about yourself
Hi, you've corrected my grammar on my letter for future roommate (the Korean), and thanks a lot for that!
Hi, Future Roommate!
How are you? I hope you're enjoying this wonderful day. (And yes, I am telling you that you're having a good day - unless you're a zombie, you should, according to my calculations, be alive; and if you're alive, then you're having a good day.) I have a feeling that I'm going to run out of characters very quickly if I keep going like this, so I'll just get to the point now and tell you some things about myself. [I feel like this paragraph only says how talkative you are, which is good, but with only 1800 characters and a purpose for a college to know you better, maybe you should use the space more wisely to brag about how awesome and unique you are :)]
I was born in Zaporizhzhya, Ukraine (no, you don't have to know how to pronounce that), and moved to the US when I was seven. I know [<-speak?] Russian fluently. I have an absolutely ridiculous number of interests, but since I know that just saying that won't help you whatsoever, I will tell you that I enjoy traveling, horseback riding, writing, reading, and acting. I also like animals and nature, and am pretty much a tree-hugger (so if you don't recycle, be prepared for [a] conversion). I really enjoy learning about new [(or new to me) <-not necessary] ideas and points of view, and am very curious and interested in new experiences.
Anyway, I can't wait to meet you! College is going to be incredible. Not only are we going to be hundreds of [(or, as in my case, over a thousand) <- not necessary] miles from our elders (although once the dirty laundry starts piling up, we may reconsider whether that's really such a good thing), we're also going to be studying at [one of the nation's leading universities <- maybe change to "our dream colleges" you know, flatter! :)]. I think we're going to have an absolutely amazing time at Stanford. [So if you haven't been enjoying your day, start now! <-depending on what you do with the 1st paragraph, change]
Impatiently,
Your Future Roommate
I think it tells how vivacious you are in a frank voice! I like it :)
Yeah, and who knows? We might just see each other at Stanford!
Good luck to us both!!
Thanks so much, Ryungnam! Ha ha, yeah, good luck!!!
