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Interesting and to the point? UWisc,madison essay



ISer0909 1 / -  
Dec 13, 2009   #1
hey you guys, Please help me check if my essay is interesting to read and if it answers the prompt. Thankyou so much! (:

The University values an educational environment that provides all members of the campus community with opportunities to grow and develop intellectually, personally, culturally and socially. In order to give us a more complete picture of you as an individual, please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus. In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?

As an Indian living in Singapore I have learnt to embrace both the countries as well as to understand the issues that a deveopled country faces, as opposed to a developing country. Being born in one country and brought up in another changes the equation completely. I am empowered with objectivity,ability and knowledge from Singapore and compassion, hardship and appreciation from India.

And the clash between opinons of fast-food restaurants to political systems is a common spectacle in my family.

'Do you know how much food these restaurants waste annually when they throw away the food that was not used?' my dad shakes his head disapprovingly.

In India,where the income per capita is low, my parents have been raised to save anything that can be saved.In their perspective, food wasted can feed thousands of poor hungry people. My family even uses soapwater used to handwash delicate clothes to flush the toilets.we practise a no electricity day at home.Even In school,I spearheaded a project to raise awareness of being appreciative.In this way I advocate the value of things that we might otherwise take for granted in a country like singapore where there is no lack basic necessities.In India,frequent power cuts and water scarcity is common.

This is far different from the perspective I am used to hearing from my Singaporean social circle.It also makes me realise that had I lived in India all my life, I would be agreeing with my father instead of debating about it with him.

Hearing different sets of opinions from different people makes me more senstive to a person's viewpoint as well as to their thought process and feelings.It gives me a multi-dimensional view of the issues that are of concern and provides me with a deeper insight which makes me a better leader. In Madison, where students come from more than 120 different countries, I will value-add to the cultural exchange between the student population.

'Singapore is so stressful!' I used to complain as I was being saddled with extracirricular activies, lots of assignments and also other non-school activities. Growing up, I have realised that this is the best thing that has happened to me because the Singapore education system has provided me so many opportunites to excel in.

Recieving well rounded education equips me to make full use of opportunities that Uwisc-madison provides. Being in symphonic band and rugby during my middle school and high school years respectively,provided a get-away from the crazy assignments and deadlines .This lifestyle also taught me much needed time management skills as I had to juggle these,academics and my other non-school commitments such as Indian classical music,tae-kwan-do as well as giving tuitions to other students. Also with constant trips to experience learning outside of the fourwalls, I have gained both knowledge and ability to get most out of what Madison has to offer in its large university.

With more than students from over 160 countires and having a vareity of recreational activites like intramural sports,UW-madision has got provided avenues to pursue my passion in sports and music as well as challenge me to be indepedent and embrace diversity.

melb 2 / 10  
Dec 14, 2009   #2
Interesting, but I did notice some grammer/spelling errors.

we practise a no electricity day at home.
W e practice a no electricity day at home.

I advocate the value of things that we might otherwise take for granted in a country like singapore where there is no lack basic necessities.

I advocate the value of things that we might otherwise take for granted in a country like
S ingapore where there is no lack for basic necessities.

Just a few. I thought your paper was interesting though.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Dec 15, 2009   #3
What did you mean about giving tuition for other students? Did you mean tutoring?
I think it looks nicer to write it as one word: taekwondo.
You make a really good case for the assertion that you understand cultural differences. I think tis is quite well-written.
You start too many sentences with ing verbs. Don't let your writing be to full of those sentences. They are good, but don't use too many. Growing up... etc.


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