ironhand 6 / 18 Aug 24, 2014 #1Hello everyone. Please, help me to improve this essay: after editing it still misses something important. Help me, and I will help you if you want to improve your essays.My interests include organic chemistry and biochemistry, and I have already worked as an assistant at the Institute of Bioorganic Chemistry of National Academy of Sciences of Ukraine in Kyiv, spending a whole year synthesizing new heterocycles and doing total syntheses. I enjoyed this wonderful work very much, and so I would like to work in this field for the UROP. Even though my research was hard work and didn't allow me much time for sleep, I never had regrets about it. Therefore, I would choose the Department of Chemistry, since organic synthesis is the most exhilarating and multifaceted branch of science I have ever studied.
dumi 1 / 6909 1592 Aug 24, 2014 #2This sentence is too long, in my view. It gets the reader to memorize so many details to understand what you try to say. I like you rephrase this one and split it to a few shorter ones.Even though for doing my researchAlthough I had to refusesacrifice short hours of rest that I could afford before, I never had regrets about it.
SHanafi 120 / 409 93 Aug 24, 2014 #3and I have already workedI had workedsynthesisingsynthesizingheterocyclesdo you mean "heterocyclic" ?Even though for doing my research I had to refuse short hours of rest that I could afford before, I never had regrets about itI cannot follow your idea here.
dumi 1 / 6909 1592 Aug 24, 2014 #4Due tothisThis job I hadgave me the opportunity to spend a whole year synthesizing new heterocycles and doing total syntheses.The last part I liked the most, so I would like to continue this work for the UROP.What is this last part? It is not clear to me at all .... may be I lack the subject knowledge, but I like if you are more specific on that :)I cannot even call synthesis a pure science, though its logic is almost mathematical, it is rather an art of great beauty.
vangiespen - / 4117 1449 Aug 28, 2014 #5I think the essay would be much improved if you mentioned any accomplishments or important tasks that you performed at your job rather than just mentioning that you work there. Also, I think the essay can use a more personal touch by including some reasons for your interest in organic and biochemistry and what early work you did in the field. The reason I am suggesting this is because you mentioned that you love doing this kind of work but you never explained how or why you developed an interest in those particular fields. Also, you should further explain what kind of research you did and what you hoped it would accomplish and what the eventual outcome of the research was. Doing that early on in the essay would most likely create the interesting hook that you need in order to keep the reviewer interested in further considering your application.