I have exactly 500 characters so, if you have any suggestions on cutting out a few unnecessary words I would be able to use some bigger vocab words... also since I'm apply into Gallatin School of Individualized Study it says I should refer specifically to why I'm interested in the opportunities presented by developing an individualized program. Do you think I do that enough?
"I chose to construct an individualized major from the Gallatin School because of the flexibility and infinite possibilities. Gallatin will allow me to pursue my interests, without the requirement of an audition, in both international finance and music administration, as my aspiration is to have a profession overseas in band management though I do not play an instrument. I'm mainly interested in the ability this major will give me to participate in various types of internships, especially abroad."
Thanks for everyone's help! This site rulessssss!
P.S. I'm also unsure if I should include "What interests you most about your intended disipline?" because of what the NYU site said about focusing on why I'm interested in Gallatin opportunities. Any pointers on what I should do about that?
your second sentence is wayyy too long lol as in it should be separated.
Gallatin will allow me to pursue my interests in both international finance and music administration, without the requirement of an audition. As my aspiration is to have a profession in band management overseas without the need to play an instrument. My main interest lies in the opportunities this major offers for my various types of internships, especially abroad.
this is just one correction. I'm sure others will have better ones lol
actually i think i made it longer! sorry!
Okay, here's my editing after zowzows suggestions. I decided to leave the last sentence the same to keep it below 500 characters.
I chose to construct an individualized major from the Gallatin School because of the flexibility and infinite possibilities. Gallatin will allow me to pursue my interests in both international finance and music administration, without the requirement of an audition since I do not play an instrument. My aspiration is to have a profession in band management overseas. I'm mainly interested in the ability this major will give me to participate in various types of internships, especially abroad.
I chose to construct an individualized major from the Gallatin School because of the flexibility and infinite possibilities. Gallatin will allow me to pursue my interests, without the requirement of an audition, in both international finance and music administration, as my aspiration is to have a profession overseas in band management though I do not play an instrument. I'm mainly interested in the ability this major will give me to participate in various types of internships, especially abroad
these two are not really needed are they?
I think I need to include that because I was really interested in doing NYU's Music Business major but it requires an audition... and basically i'm doing Gallatin for that reason, so i can do Music Business without actually doing it lol
lol sorry i dont seem to be much help with this one!
lol, you actually helped me a lot! thank you!
I chose to construct an individualized major from the Gallatin School because of the flexibility and infinite possibilities. Gallatin will enable me to pursue my interests in both international finance and music administration ...
Hey, is this part necessary? maybe you can cut this: without the requirement of an audition since I do not play an instrument.
My aspiration is to have a profession in band management overseas. I'm mainly interested in the ability this major will give me to participate in various types of internships, especially abroad.
You had better get yourself a guitar! You don't know what you are missing. To play the guitar is profound meditation! :) For this essay, it is efficient and well-written. I changed "allowed" to "enabled"... people always use "allowed when they mean "enabled." No big errors, though!
I have a guitar! I'm actually going to learn to play once i'm done with all these college apps lol
thanks for that tip about "enable"
Yeah!! Tune it up! tunemybass.com.
That site is for al guitars, not just bass.
Yeah I agree with Zowzow about the second sentence. It is too long I think.
"Gallatin will allow me to pursue my interests, without the requirement of an audition, in both international finance and music administration, as my aspiration is to have a profession overseas in band management though I do not play an instrument."
Honestly I can't come up with better setence for the last part where you mentioned "as my aspiration...do not play instrument." But I am sure you can spilt this long sentence into two. That will make it much more better/short/concise :)
Oh, and what do you mean by requirement for an audition in both international finance and band music admin? I know there are auditions for muscis but is there for international finance? I was slightly confused about that.
But besides that I like how you described you want to persue both international finance and music. Nice/clear reasoning. I wish mine is clear like that too !
Good luck :)