So for my essay, I need to write about someone who has impacted my life and explain why they are important to me. I've chosen to write about my orchestra director that has influenced me to stick with music- I have written my introduction but I feel like something is missing. I'm trying to say that he has taught me many life lessons like patience, honesty, and optimism, but I don't know if I should let on to that in the intro or just introduce it in the body. Any suggestions and/or comments would be great!
Intro: As the final chord was stuck, the four of us look at each other in disbelief- the Borodin Quartet was finished. The piece had truly evolved; from a mousy excuse to get out of class to advancing to the Texas State Solo & Ensemble contest, Quartet no. 2 was mastered. Beginning to end, each note was as flawless as the next. I sat in silence as the judge scribbled away at the score sheet, meticulously describing everything he had heard. After what seemed to be five whole minutes of rampant writing, a disgruntled "Thank you," came from the judge's direction- we took the cue to leave the stark recital room. Mousily slipping through the unwieldy doors, I turned to find, to my relief, our director waiting for us. Always a man of his word, Dr. Kempter promised he would be there for us after our performance. After four years under his direction, Dr. Kempter has taught me many things- most of which apply to life outside of the orchestra hall. He has vastly impacted my life, and I owe many of my life's lessons to him.
Mousily slipping through the unwieldy doors, I turned to find, to my relief, that our director was waiting for us.-----> This is such a great sentence!!!! mousily... hahahah!
Oh... the ending is bad. :-(
This essay is supposed to be about him and the experience of being changed by his influence. Quote him and describe a situation in which his words suddenly became very meaningful to you. Compare him to other people. Analyze your own thoughts about him, and why you were so affected by him. More than half of this essay right now -- the first half -- is about something else. revise, revise! :-)))
