Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?
My professional goals and pure ambition influenced me to apply to Syracuse University. I am a motivated guy and I believe a Syracuse University will give me the opportunity to accomplish my future career goals. Whitman school of management will provide the skills I need in my future career as an investment manager/analyst/banker. I will move closer to NY which is considered the financial capital of the world.
2. Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this?
I dream of becoming more like my brother one day. Ever since childhood he excelled in academics and any scholarly pursuits. Now he is a successful man working at BoA which is a top auditing firm in the U.S. He is very ambitious, smart, matured and responsible as a person. Some of which attributes I strive to cultivate into my own life someday. One day I would like to become a matured, classy, smarter and more sophisticated man like my brother. Nevertheless I would say I am close.
I also aspire to be like venture capitalist and entrepreneur Sir Richard Branson and Warren Buffet. Being an adventurous and independent guy I would like to be like Sir Richard Branson as we share the similar personality traits.
3. If you have had work experience, what skills and/or knowledge did you gain?
I have had work experience in the dining halls of Ohio University. In the fall quarter of my sophomore year I worked as a server in the shively dining hall. I had the task of preparing sandwiches for over 400 student everyday. I was a hefty work. The working conditions wasn't always great, cleaning dishes, mopping floors in a hot sweaty kitchen which also had a weird smell of rotten food in the trash and the steam coming from the washing machines. I learnt to work and be a student at the same time. I learned to better manage my time, manage customers(mainly students) and. It was difficult but a job is a job and I adhered to the policies and my own principles to kept on working.
4.Our mission of Scholarship in Action, education for the world in the world, extends beyond the classroom to include engagement opportunities with our campus community, the City of Syracuse, and locations across the globe. Based on your interests, tell us what real-world experiences you might pursue during your education at Syracuse as part of this mission.
Upon enrollment in Syracuse I plan to be involved in Ballentine investment institute and study abroad. One thing I would like to continue in college in definitely investment research and market analysis so I would like to join the Ballentine investment institute. I would study abroad preferably in Beijing, China as I want to continue my Chinese language learning. I would also like join the center of excellence to develop environmental technology for a greener industry and work with JP Morgan to develop technology applications to businesses.
Hi, I can help you with a few things:
Nice first paragraph, it needs one more sentence though, elaborate on NY a bit perhaps.
Ever since childhood, he has excelled in academics and any scholarly pursuits.
He is very ambitious, smart, matured and responsible as a person. Some of which attributes I strive to cultivate into my own life someday.
When you describe your brother, you seem to be in awe of him. I would be a little more specific when you talk about this, like you said, you are close to being "just as good" as him, all you need is a stepping stone (college). I guess it just sounds confusing the way you have worded it. When you say that someday you want to cultivate those attributes someday, it makes the reader wonder if you don't have those qualities right now. You want the reader to know that you are already mature, etc. but you hope to become an even greater person in the future.
Being an adventurous and independent guy I would like to be like Sir Richard Branson as we share the similar personality traits.
Re-word this sentence, it sounds funny.
Thank you Jennifer. Really appreciate the advice and I will revise the answers and post again. Going to go help you with your essay now. Thanks!!
