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"Some Issues that are of importance to me"



sharma92 1 / 3  
Dec 29, 2009   #1
Hi Everyone
This is my essay for the common app
please review it-its 1475 words- too long or will it do?has to be more than 250 words
The topic is-Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.

My essay is on "Some Issues that are of importance to me"

Dr. Thomas Fuller, the British Physician and scholar aptly said, "We never know the worth of water till the well is dry". The issue of environmental degradation is much debated all over the world in the 21st Century. This issue is of concern to me not because of it's international importance but because I've been brought up to respect and worship nature and preserve rather than destroy it.

Indigenous societies in India and elsewhere have demonstrated that mankind can live in tandem with nature by caring for the environment and respecting it. Like the indigenous people, countries, businesses and mankind also need to respect nature and ensure environmental sustainability because, "There is no business on a dead planet" as rightly stated by David Brower, (Conservationist (USA)).

The not so successful climate change meet recently held at Copenhagen amply illustrates the fact that we need to think about our own society and country's efforts to protect our environment rather than impose conditions on others. I remember what my mother used to often tell us as children, "Do not throw litter around even if your neighbors and friends do so because we cannot be aping others or arguing why they are doing what they are wrongly doing".

An incident that brought home the significance of environmental costs was when a snake surfaced in our house compound. My family and I ensured that it was not killed by the people in our colony and with the help of the local police and an NGO called 'Animal Ambulance' rescued it that took it to the forests near Delhi. My curiosity about the sudden surfacing of many snakes in our colony led to discussions with some environment experts. I discovered that the reason the snakes were surfacing pretty frequently in our residential area, that too in winter when they hibernate, was on account of their habitat having been destroyed due to the heavy dynamite blasting in the Ridge area (a part of the 1500 year old Aravalli hills) close to my house, in South Delhi where shopping malls, offices and other buildings were under construction. On further enquiry I learnt that the Ridge area functioned as the 'green lungs' for the city and also protected it from the hot winds of the deserts blowing from the west. It is also home to many water bodies that provide drinking water and ground water to the city residents.

The local communities and the animals dwelling in and around the ridge area are paying a price due to the construction of high end shopping malls and offices, five- star hotels, shockingly even 'The Energy Research Institute' building, Government rest houses and Army buildings. The activities of illegal mining, an illegal polo ground, dumping of garbage from the nearby colonies are all going on with explicit and tacit permission of the local Government agencies who have been giving necessary clearances for construction in the protected forest area.

The hilly tracts once bubbling with rich ecology appear to be barren tracts now. The casualty, along with the citizens of Delhi and the local communities, are also the flora and fauna in this protected area. The local communities and citizens of Delhi have not been educated about the social and economic costs of destroying the 'ridge area'. They have also not realized that the construction activities have led to a drop in groundwater availability, dried up wells and loss of biodiversity as per studies that have been conducted in this area. The green lungs of Delhi are being destroyed mindlessly for commercial gains. The destruction of the Ridge area has led to the emergence of environmental struggle by various people like Prof Vikram Soni of the Ridge Bachao Andolan and others. However, the animals and plants cannot even complain or offer any resistance.

Is it lack of awareness of the social costs of environmental degradation or a "me, mine" attitude without concern for the future generations? Is it a case of the tragedy of the commons or inertia of the Governments and the citizens? The tragedy of the commons is also responsible for the destruction of the Ozone layer, the Antarctica and even the space around our Earth is littered with debris from/of satellites. It is indeed a sad state of affairs and I want to contribute towards ensuring environmental sustainability in my neighborhood and globally.

Despite the fact that more than 50 % of India still survives with shortages of electricity and water, huge buildings (office and residential buildings, shopping complexes, malls) are mushrooming in power-deficit cities like Delhi and Gurgaon. The buildings are power guzzlers as they are totally sealed and air-conditioned. The local engineers and architects seem to be constructing buildings similar to the ones in the western countries that are made of glass and steel and fully air-conditioned e.g. in New York. These require a lot of energy supply especially since India is a tropical and hot country for the larger part of the year.

These issues and incidents motivated me to do my bit and I joined two NGOs -'Swechha' and 'Nature International' that work towards protection and preservation of our environment.

I believe that the nations can achieve double digit annual economic growth and ensure sustainable development but only by not doing our bit, by listening to others, involving all the stake holders and not just by caring for our commercial,trade, political and life-style interests?

The law makers and enforcers, officers of the government, the judiciary, economists, environmental engineers and scientists as also the common man have a very important role to play in addressing issues of climate change and sustainable development by being aware of the social, economic and environmental values and costs as also issues of long term sustainability. These are areas of concern for me and I believe that I can be the change-maker in these areas in the future because I believe in what Mahatma Gandhi said: "Be the change you want to see in the world."

OP sharma92 1 / 3  
Dec 30, 2009   #2
Folks I need your help by 31.12.09- hurry-criticize, comment, correct- do help
joonghoon5 3 / 9  
Dec 30, 2009   #3
This is way too long, and that is because you did not focus on one specific thing.
It is really hard to talk about many topics in one paper.

I think you should focus on a specific part from your paper and really focus on it, and you need to make sure to go straight toward what you are talking about, instead of rambling in the introduction.

Also make sure you use 'its' not it's for possessive.

good luck!
jampamz 6 / 32  
Dec 30, 2009   #4
1475 words is waaaayyyyy too long. The longest successful one I've ever heard of was 900 words. Most common apps are supposed to be around 500 words. Don't make it too formal. The point of writing essays is to help colleges get a feel of your personality.

I really love your passion, though. I think you should try to cut it down a bit and I'll help you out more.

Feedback on mine?
OP sharma92 1 / 3  
Dec 30, 2009   #5
Despite the fact that more than 50 % of India still survives with shortages of electricity and water, huge buildings (office and residential buildings, shopping complexes, malls) are mushrooming in power-deficit cities like Delhi and Gurgaon. The buildings are power guzzlers as they are totally sealed and air-conditioned. The local engineers and architects seem to be constructing buildings similar to the ones in the western countries that are made of glass and steel and fully air-conditioned e.g. in New York. These require a lot of energy supply especially since India is a tropical and hot country for the larger part of the year.(should I retain this paragraph or delete it?)
jampamz 6 / 32  
Dec 31, 2009   #6
So sorry for not replying before. I hope you haven't sent it yet

I would delete the paragraph. Also, I think you can delete some of the phrases that make it overly formal, and shorten some ideas.

Dr. Thomas Fuller, the British Physician and scholar aptly said, "We never know the worth of water till the well is dry". The issue of environmental degradation is important to me because I've been brought up to respect and worship nature and preserve rather than destroy it.

These are areas of concern for me and I believe that I can be the change-maker in these areas in the future because I believe in what Mahatma Gandhi said: "Be the change you want to see in the world."


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