IWU-one paragraph why essay

Prompt: In one paragraph, please describe your specific interest in attending Illinois Wesleyan University.

When it comes to choosing colleges, two factors are the most important for me. First, as I aspire to be a media officer for the United Nations, I have a penchant towards international studies and journalism. At IWU, the programs in both international studies and English writing are strong. IWU's International Studies is rated as one of the most popular majors by several college guidebooks. Its English Department is headed by some of the most prestigious journalists in the US. With a student faculty rate of 13:1,the small classes combined with knowledgeable professors mean that I would receive enough attention and help from the distinguished faculty to pursue my goal. Secondly, location is rather important for me in selecting colleges. I love cold and rural places. Cold weather makes me more passionate (maybe because I burn more fat and feel warm), while rural places force me more concentrated on my work. In addition, I regard Illinois as my second hometown. I had lived in Chicago in my third grade with my mother and fell in love with it: windy city, gorgeous Lake Michigan, and the kind librarian at Roosevelt Library who taught me English. IWU is located in Illinois, close to Chicago. So studying in a university with rural settings located in my second hometown and so close to my beloved Chicago would be a great pleasure to me.

Please give me any comments. Thanks a million!

Hey! I like your essay...here are just a few comments. My opinions, of course:)

When it comes to choosing colleges, two factors are the most important for me. First, as I aspire to be a media officer for the United Nations, I have a penchant towards international studies and journalism. At IWU, the programs in both international studies and English writing are strong.

1) Stylistically, consider writing out Illinois Wesleyan University the first time, then go ahead and use its initials. Secondly, if their program is actually called international studies, capitalize it. I would actually capitalize it anyways, but that is just me.

IWU's International Studies is rated as one of the most popular majors by several college guidebooks.
If you capitalize it here, I would definitely capitalize it in the first paragraph.

Its English Department is headed by some of the most prestigious journalists in the US.
I wonder if this would seem less choppy if you combined these two sentences. Maybe: "IWU is rated as one of the top schools for International Studies majors by several college guidebooks, and its English Department is headed by some of the most prestigious journalists in the United States." Or maybe your way is better, I don't know.

With a student faculty rate of 13:1,
With a student, faculty ratio of 13:1,...
the small classes combined with knowledgeable professors mean that I would receive enough attention and help from the distinguished faculty to pursue my goal.
Some commas can go in here: "the small classes, combined with knowledgeable professors, means that I would..." Also, I would cut the word "help." Don't make yourself sound helpless.

I would maybe start a new paragraph here.

Secondly, location is rather important for me in selecting colleges.
This is a little redundant. Find another way to say that location is something else that is important to you.
I love cold and rural places. Cold weather makes me more passionate (maybe because I burn more fat and feel warm),
Why does cold weather make you more passionate. If you don't know, consider "Something about cold, rural places makes me feel more passionate and focused on the task at hand."

while rural places force me more concentrated on my work.
Consider cutting this. Any serious college will probably want students to be focused on their work. I think I know what you intended to say, but I think it comes off a little confusing.

In addition,
"Additionally"?

I regard Illinois as my second hometown.
Consider: "I regard Illinois as my home away from home."

I had lived in Chicago in my third grade with my mother and fell in love with it: windy city, gorgeous Lake Michigan, and the kind librarian at Roosevelt Library who taught me English.

Your wording gets a wee bit confusing in this last section. Consider: "Having lived in Chicago until the third grade, I am in love with everything about the Windy City: gorgeous Lake Michigan, [insert something here], and the Roosevelt Library, where I learned English.

IWU ... So studying in a university with rural settings located in my second hometown and so close to my beloved Chicago would be a great pleasure to me.

Consider: "Besides a strong program that I know would benefit my future career goals, it would be a great pleasure for me to study at a university that is both rural, and close to a city that I love."

Again, just my $.02, but I hope it helps. Good luck!

Wow, Kelsey did such a great job, I don't know what to say!

...I had lived in Chicago with my mother during my third grad e school year and fell in love...

This has everything: Good pragmatic reasons to choose the school based on your career interests, personal preference for the location... it is wonderful!