Hello
I am filling out my undergrad transfer short answer essay and would appreciate any feedback.
*Elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (150 or fewer)
Working in retail can be a little trying and in my case it tried me a lot. Sure I was efficient and detail oriented, but I was equal parts short-tempered and impatient. Then I started a new job at Coach, which is a highly customer service based retailer, at least more so than my previous employers. Although I had over ten years experience I felt like a fish out of water and that my bad habits would rear their ugly heads and shame me among my coworkers. I learned, however indirectly from my colleagues, that I might no be able to control the situation but I am in charge of my own response to it. Today I am thankful that lesson hit home sooner rather than later and grateful to be able to surround myself with those that challenge me to be a better person.
Yeah, its Good. There is humor and there is seriousness. Good. One mistake is....
that I might no be able to
Instead of 'no', it should be 'not'.
Working in retail can be a little trying, and in my case it tried me a lot. Sure I was efficient and detail-orient ed, but I was equal parts short-tempered and impatient.---hahah you explained this in a cool way.
You have a great way of writing, but I think you can be more specific about what you learned and what it has to do with your career intentions, your reason for transferring, etc. Everything is connected. The retail experience is somehow connected to your transfer, and if you can capture that you will do very well.
:-)
Working in retail can be a little trying and in my case it tried me a lot. Sure I was efficient and detail oriented, but I was equal parts short-tempered and impatient. Then I started a new job at Coach, which is a highly customer service based service-based retailer, at least more so than my previous employers. Although I had over ten years experience I felt like a fish out of water and that my bad habits would rear their ugly heads and shame me among my coworkers. I learned, however indirectly from my colleagues, that I might no be able to control the situation but I am in charge of my own response to it. Today I am thankful that lesson hit home sooner rather than later and grateful to be able to surround myself with those that challenge me to be a better person.
I don't think I can add much more than what I did, especially following Kevin's remarks. You are indeed a gifted writer! I would like to see something from you that is a little more involved, longer, etc., as it would certainly be a pleasure to read.
Good luck!
Mark
chrypchk
Working in retail can be a little tryingdo you mean tiring? and in my case it tried me a lot. Sure I was efficient and detail oriented, but I was equal parts short-tempered and impatient. Then I started a new job at Coach, which is a highly customer service based retailer, at least more so than my previous employers. Although I had over ten years of experience I felt like a fish out of water and that my bad habits would rear their ugly heads and shame me among my coworkers. I learned, however indirectly from my colleagues, that I might not be able to control the situation but I am in charge of my own response to it. Today I am thankful that lesson hit home sooner rather than later and grateful to be able to surround myself with those that challenge me to be a better person.
Siddharth, Kevin, Mark, Supreet:
Thank you very much for your suggestions and remarks. As this was a short answer essay I really couldn't get into as much detail as desired- I am literally 6 words away from the max of 150! However I will try and tweak what I can.
Ever grateful,
Leslin
The admission office appreciates those who write concise and say a lot. This is good job and good writing. No need to fret over it. Cheers.
