John "The Beast" Cena influenced me - my college application

Hassan Siddig
09/26/11
College Essay
Writing #4
I know many people that influenced me, but there is someone that I know so well who influenced me more than any one and his name is John "The Beast" Cena. Cena is a doctor on the Medical Channel. He inspired me to become a doctor, when I first watched him at age five. John "The Beast" Cena in my opinion is the best doctor ever. At age fifteen, I met John "The Beast" Cena on October 29, 2008 in Wall Street in New York. The hospital he works is in is called Wall Street's Hospital.

Cena told me that Wall Street's Hospital is the biggest hospital in New York. He showed me around in the hospital. For instance, he showed me what's his responsibility at his position, which is to give the sick people medical treatment. Cena also showed me the equipments that the hospital uses to make the patients better. He introduced me to his partners that worked with him. He told me, "My partners are very effective with me, they work hard with me every day that I work, we communicate well. Without them I wouldn't be as successful as I am today." Then he showed me a room where there are of list of names that he saved their lives. There were 20 names within the past 10 years. He told me in 10 or so years, hopefully you will become a doctor like I am.

John "The Beast" Cena not only influenced me but he inspired me to become a doctor. It is hard and long process but I can take the challenge. That is why I want to become a doctor.

"There have beenI know many people whothat have influenced me in my life , but none more so thanthere is someone that I know so well who influenced me more than any one and his name is John "The Beast" Cena. Cena is someone I know very well and happens to be a doctor on the Medical Channel; he works at Wall Street's hospital in New York . He inspired me to become a doctor, when I first watched him at age five. John "The Beast" Cena in my opinion is the best doctor ever.At age fifteen I met John "The Beast" Cena on October 29, 2008 onin Wall Street in New York when I was fifteen years old . He inspired me to become a doctor when I first watched him at age five; in my opinion, he is the best doctor in the country in his particular area of medicine.The hospital he works in is called Wall Street's Hospital.

Cena told me that Wall Street's Hospital is the biggest hospital in New York. He showed me around in the hospital. For instance,H e showedexplained to me what'shis different responsibilities were at his position, one of the most important being caring for ill patients and giving them proper care and treatmenthis responsibility at his position, which is to give the sick people medical treatment. Cena also showed me the equipments that theis used at the hospital to provide various treatments for patientsthe hospital uses to make the patients better.and introduced me to the colleagues he works with daily.He introduced me to his partners that worked with him.Throughout the day he expressed how important his colleagues were to him and how well they each worked together. He recounted stories from the past ten years about different lives he had helped save and encouraged me by communicating his hopes of me becoming a doctor in the future.He told me, "My partners are very effective with me, they work hard with me every day that I work, we communicate well. Without them I wouldn't be as successful as I am today." Then he showed me a room where there are of list of names that he saved their lives. There were 20 names within the past 10 years. He told me in 10 or so years, hopefully you will become a doctor like I am.

John "The Beast" Cena not only influenced me but he inspired me to become a doctor. It is ahard and longlong and difficult process but I am willing tocan take the challenge. That is why I want to become a doctor.

The red represents words/sentences that I added, those that are crossed out are letters/words/sentences that you originally wrote which I felt were unnecessary.

These are just a few suggestions. Personally, I think you should re-write the entire essay and focus less on Cena and elaborate more on what becoming a doctor would mean to you at a deeper level. Good luck!